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fortune/jackbauer  view on Meta::CPAN

Jack didn't shoot Ira Gaines because he was pulling a gun on him.  Jack shot him because he said "good luck", which implied the possibility of failure.
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Jack Bauer is 100% death proof.
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Jack Bauer hits Grand Slams with no one on base.
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Jack won with rock even when paper covered him. No one can cover Jack Bauer.
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Jack Bauer gets five downs.
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After being framed for David Palmer's murder Jack cleared his own name and found the real killer not in the name of justice, but because he is too much of a man to accept charity on his body count.
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If you send someone to kill Jack Bauer, the only thing you accomplish is supplying him a fresh set of weapons to kill you with.
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Someone once asked Jack Bauer if he had a case of the Mondays. What ensued was one of the most heinous beatings in recorded history.
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Jack Bauer tortured Amnesty International until they agreed to endorse torture.
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Jesus died and rose from the dead in 3 days. It took Jack Bauer less than an hour. And he's done it twice.
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Only a nuclear explosion can change Jack's mind.

fortune/jackbauer  view on Meta::CPAN

Jack Bauer's first act after being elected as President of the United States will be to add 5 new stars to the U.S. flag: China, North Korea, Iraq, Iran, and France.
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If Jack Bauer were to fall into the ocean, he would not get wet, the ocean would get Jacked.
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Jack Bauer can make you remember things you never knew.
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Moses parted the Red Sea. The Red Sea would part for Jack.
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Jack Bauer can break anyone and anything, but he will always break the protocol first.
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Jack Bauer framed Roger Rabbit.
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Jack Bauer doesn't need money, "I give you my word," is enough.
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When Jack Bauer makes love, he does it with a knife to your throat.

Just to be safe.
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On April 15, the IRS pays taxes to Jack Bauer.
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Never bring Jack Bauer into your home. You will be arrested for possesion of a weapon of mass destruction.