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Corpus/written/ficlets/1403.txt view on Meta::CPAN
Sequels: none
A young man, around twelve I would say, opened the door. He was wearing much what I had been wearing just a moment ago. Dirty green t-shirt, ripped, grass stained jeans, and mussed up hair.
I lifted my hand in a pathetic little wave. “Um, hi there. What’s your name?â€
“I think that’s the question I should be asking you.â€
I retaliated. Geez. The kid was sharp. I laughed it off.
“I am Maisie Beatrice Hampton, and I’ve come to see my grandmother. Do you know of her?â€
The little boy looked at me curiously, as if he were trying to read my face. “Wait.â€
As soon as he disappeared my back slumped. God. How was I supposed to get past this body guard?
The little boy returned with a clipboard, and on it was a long piece of paper. “Hm...†He tapped his pencil on it. “Hampton, Marie... Harrisford, Virginia... Sorry, kiddo, you’re not on the list.â€
List? Kiddo?
“I’m sorry, my real name isn’t Maisie.†I took a deep breath. “It’s Marie.†I looked up at him.
“Well, then come right in!â€
What a strange kid.
Fallen Angel
Thyme Passing
2008-11-11T10:26:25Z
ID: 45852
Corpus/written/jokes/jokes7.txt view on Meta::CPAN
Digging up the facts...
After digging to a depth of 100m last year, Russian scientists found traces of copper wiring dating back 1000 years, and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network one thousand years ago.
So as not to be outdone, in the weeks that followed, American scientists dug 200m, and headlines in the US newspapers read: "US scientists have found traces of 2000 year old optical fibres, and have concluded that their ancestors already had advanced...
One week later, the Irish press reported the following: "After digging as deep as 500m, Irish scientists have found absolutely nothing. They have concluded that 5000 years ago, their ancestors were already using mobile phones".
Mr N. Mandela.
Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching TV and drinking a beer when he hears a knock at the door. When he opens it, he is confronted by a little Chinese man, clutching a clipboard and yelling, "You Sign! You sign!" Behind him is an enormous truck ...
Nelson is standing there in complete amazement, when the Chinese man starts to yell louder. "You Sign! You sign!"
Nelson says to him, "Look, you've obviously got the wrong man", and shuts the door in his face.
The next day he hears a knock at the door again. When he opens it, the little Chinese man is back with a huge truck of brake pads. He thrusts his clipboard under Nelson's nose, yelling, "You sign! You sign!"
Mr Mandela is getting a bit hacked off by now, so he pushes the little Chinese man back, shouting: "Look, go away! You've got the wrong man! I don't want them!" Then he slams the door in his face again.
The following day, Nelson is resting, and late in the afternoon, he hears a knock on the door again. On opening the door, there is the same little Chinese man thrusting a clipboard under his nose, shouting, "You sign! You sign!" Behind him are TWO ve...
This time Nelson loses his temper completely, he picks up the little man by his shirt front and yells at him; "Look, I don't want these! Do you understand? You must have the wrong name! Who do you want to give these to?"
The little Chinese man looks at him very puzzled, consults his clipboard, and says, "You not Nissan Main Dealer?"
Prefix La is feminine Prefix Le is masculine
A language instructor was explaining to her class that in French, nouns unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine.
"House," in French, is feminine - "la maison."
"Pencil," in French, is masculine "le crayon."
One puzzled student asked, "What gender is Computer?"
The teacher did not know, and the word wasn't in her French dictionary. So for fun she split the class into two groups appropriately enough, by gender and asked them to decide whether Computer should be a masculine or feminine noun.
Both groups were required to give four reasons for their recommendation. The boy's group decided that computers should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computer"), because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
articles/078.html view on Meta::CPAN
<td>Finally, scroll back down to the same section and copy your Secret Key. We’ll be pasting that into ClickMagick in the next section.</td>
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<strong>Copy the Secret Key to your ClickMagick User Profile</strong><br />
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Now that you have your Secret Key set up in ClickBank, you need to let ClickMagick know about it … <br />
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Just head over to your <strong><a href="/user/profile.cgi?cat=misc" target="_blank">ClickMagick Profile</a></strong> in the Account menu and enter your “Secret Key” in the ClickBank settings of the “Misc” catego...
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<em>If you don’t click on the “Update My Profile” button to save the changes, the Instant Notification Service will not work.</em><br />
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<b>Add your ClickMagick Instant Notification URL to ClickBank</b><br />
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<td valign="top"><b>1.</b></td>
articles/213.html view on Meta::CPAN
<div class="faq-note"><b>Note:</b> When a visitor lands on your page, ClickMagick looks at the URL of that page and tries to find a funnel in your account that has a page with the same URL.<br />
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If ClickMagick can’t find such a page, it will look like the page doesn’t exist in any funnel (because it doesn’t) and the visitor will not be recorded. This is why using a tracking link or any URL other than the final ...
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<td valign="top"><b>2.</b></td>
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<td><strong>Create an Entry link for your funnel:</strong> From the <strong>Funnels</strong> page, click on the Settings menu <img src="//cdn.clickmagick.com/images/user/faqs/gear.png" /> to the right of the funnel you’re interested in ...
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<td valign="top"><b>3.</b></td>
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<td><strong>Create a Tracking Link:</strong> Click on the <strong>Links</strong> menu at the top of the screen then click on <strong>Create New Link</strong>. Set the <strong>Primary URL</strong> set to the funnel’s Entry Link. If you’...
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articles/283.html view on Meta::CPAN
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<td><strong>Is the person redirected to the correct Thank You URL after signing up?</strong><br />
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FourPercent has a specific URL that it sends people to and redirects them to the Sales page. We need to make sure that the correct Funnel ID is passed through to the Sales page and that sales are recorded for the custom funnel.<br />
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First, opt-in on the user’s Opt-in page in Chrome. Using the Redirect Path plugin, copy the complete redirect path to the clipboard. Paste this into a text editor like Notepad on Windows or TextEdit on the Mac.<br />
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Next, use our URL tool to generate the correct Thank You page URL for their custom funnel that you’re checking:<br />
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<td style="box-sizing: border-box; width: 20px;"><a href="https://www.clickmagick.com/user/fourpercent/urltool/" target="_blank"><img height="20" src="//cdn.clickmagick.com/images/user/faqpage.gif" style="box-sizing: border-box; border: 0px; ve...
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<td style="box-sizing: border-box;"><b><a href="https://www.clickmagick.com/user/fourpercent/urltool/" target="_blank">URL Tool For FourPercent</a></b></td>
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