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When Jack Bauer drives the Wrong Way on a street, it becomes the right way.
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You better trust Jack Bauer, cause you don't want to go down that road with him.
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If you can see Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, it's because Jack Bauer is bending him over.
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Jack Bauer changed the number of the beast to 667.
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The Dept. of Homeland Security's threat advisory (e.g. "red-severe") is just a measurement of how pissed off Jack Bauer is.
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To Jack Bauer, the "quicker, picker upper" is when you capture, bind and torture the Brawny paper towel man, making him clean up the mess.
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Jack Bauer once burned an Ashlee Simpson CD. He didn't copy it, he just lit that shit on fire.
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Jack Bauer finished his LSATs in an hour, and used the remaining time to kill Ramon Salazar. He got a 176.
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Jack Bauer fucked more terrorists than a Palestinian hooker on a deadline. 
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Jack Bauer never gets sick because his immune system is almost as deadly as he is.
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Jack Bauer was recently named "most likely cause of injury" among C.T.U. security guards.