Result:
found more than 549 distributions - search limited to the first 2001 files matching your query ( run in 0.531 )


AWS-S3

 view release on metacpan or  search on metacpan

lib/AWS/S3/Signer/V4.pm  view on Meta::CPAN

file that will be uploaded as the request is executed. In this case,
you must pass a second argument containing the results of running
sha256_hex() (from the Digest::SHA module) on the content.

The method returns a true value if successful. On errors, it will
throw an exception.

=item $url = $signer->signed_url($request)

This method will generate a signed GET URL for the request. The URL
will include everything needed to perform the request.

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AWS-SNS-Verify

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author.t/01_verify.t  view on Meta::CPAN

"UnsubscribeURL" : "https://sns.us-east-1.amazonaws.com/?Action=Unsubscribe&SubscriptionArn=arn:aws:sns:us-east-1:041977924901:test:5b4ab24c-a248-4b55-84ef-7143a86f483f" 
} 
END

my $tampered_body_sns = AWS::SNS::Verify->new(body => $tampered_body, certificate_string => $cert_string);
throws_ok(
    sub { $tampered_body_sns->verify },
    #qr/Could not verify the SES message/,
    'Ouch',
    "Tampered with body doesn't valiate",
);

author.t/01_verify.t  view on Meta::CPAN



note "Invalid cert doesn't validate";

my $invalid_cert_sns = AWS::SNS::Verify->new(body => $body, certificate_string => "Nopes");
throws_ok(
    sub { $invalid_cert_sns->verify },
    qr/FATAL: invalid or unsupported RSA key format/,
    "Invalid cert doesn't valiate",
);

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AWS-Signature4

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lib/AWS/Signature4.pm  view on Meta::CPAN

file that will be uploaded as the request is executed. In this case,
you must pass a second argument containing the results of running
sha256_hex() (from the Digest::SHA module) on the content.

The method returns a true value if successful. On errors, it will
throw an exception.

=item $url = $signer->signed_url($request)

This method will generate a signed GET URL for the request. The URL
will include everything needed to perform the request.

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AXL-Client-Simple

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inc/Module/Install.pm  view on Meta::CPAN

		# If the modification time is only slightly in the future,
		# sleep briefly to remove the problem.
		my $a = $s - time;
		if ( $a > 0 and $a < 5 ) { sleep 5 }

		# Too far in the future, throw an error.
		my $t = time;
		if ( $s > $t ) { die <<"END_DIE" }

Your installer $0 has a modification time in the future ($s > $t).

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AcePerl

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Ace/Graphics/Panel.pm  view on Meta::CPAN


  $panel = Ace::Graphics::Panel->new(-segment => $sequence,
				     -width   => 800);

new() will return undef in case of an error. If the specified glyph
name is not a valid one, new() will throw an exception.

=back

=head2 OBJECT METHODS

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Acme-24

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fortune/jackbauer  view on Meta::CPAN

%
Withholding information from Jack Bauer is now classified as a suicide attempt.
%
Crosswalks weren't made for Jack Bauer, if a car doesn't stop for him, the car loses.
%
By Season 8 of 24, Jack Bauer will have taken more human lives than he has saved. Whoever's left will throw a party to commemorate the occasion.
%
Switzerland chose to be neutral to make sure they were always on Jack Bauer's good side. 
%
Jack Bauer did not hire clowns for Kim's birthday parties. He stood in front of the children and demanded they enjoy themselves.
%

fortune/jackbauer  view on Meta::CPAN

%
Wayne Gretzky is 'The Great One' because Jack Bauer does not play hockey.
%
A good looking man once challenged Jack Bauer to a boxing match.  That man is Sam Cassell.
%
Jack Bauer once took part in a rodeo. He won it by throwing the bull.
%
Jack Bauer doesn't use condoms for birth control, he uses guns.
%
Jack Bauer is not CTU. Jack Bauer will come and get you himself.
%

fortune/jackbauer  view on Meta::CPAN

%
If you stand in your bathroom with the lights off and say "Jack Bauer" seven times, he appears and kills you.
%
If Jack Bauer had been a Spartan the movie would have been called "1".
%
To give the terrorists a fighting chance, Jack Bauer will start throwing bullets.
%
Even if Red Bull does give you wings, Jack Bauer will keep you on the fucking ground.
%
When Jack Bauer says "Screw it," your reply is, "What position, sir?".
%

fortune/jackbauer  view on Meta::CPAN

%
Jack Bauer once took 25 hours to defeat a terrorist plot. This event was never aired because the entire test audience developed post traumatic stress disorder.
%
Only Jack Bauer can prevent forest fires. The thing is, he doesn't bother. 
%
Jack Bauer has to throw his clothes out at the end of the day, anything he wears for longer gets too attached to him.
%
The real reason the U.S. Government sold the shipping operations to Dubai Ports was to give Jack Bauer a fresh, readily-accessible supply of terrorists to kill.
%
Jack Bauer spells "idiot" L-o-g-a-n.
%

fortune/jackbauer  view on Meta::CPAN

%
God didn't rest on the 7th day of Creation.  He created Jack Bauer.
%
Jack Bauer can eat flour and shit cupcakes. 
%
Sometimes Jack Bauer likes to play dogeball with little kids.  Not with a ball, but actually throwing little kids at each other.
%
Jack Bauer is the REAL father of Britney Spear's baby.  And Angelina Jolie's.  And Katie Holmes'.  When Audrey finds out, she'll be okay with it....
%
Regular people open cans of whoop ass. Whoop ass opens cans of Jack Bauer.
%

fortune/jackbauer  view on Meta::CPAN

Jack Bauer can find his own fucking job, Erin.  Thank you.

%
Jack Bauer does not get revenge, he is revenge itself.
%
Tom Jones throws his underware at Jack Bauer. 
%
In honor of Jack Bauer's saving LA for the fifth straight season, Kobe Bryant has changed his jersey number from 8 to 24.  
%
The Supreme Court ruled unanimously that Jack Bauer's methods were "cruel and unusual punishment". The next day the Supreme Court had nine vacancies.
%

fortune/jackbauer  view on Meta::CPAN

%
When Jack Bauer plays Hold'em in Vegas, his pocket cards are always "bullets".
%
When Jack Bauer finds the nerve gas he will inhale it, becoming more powerful than you can possibly imagine.
%
If you're about to get into your Jeep Grand Cherokee and Jack Bauer throws you to the ground, tells you "Don't get up", and drives off with your Jeep, you better not fucking get up.
%
If Jack Bauer tells you to get out of the room because you don't want to see what he's about to do, you better stay your ass in that room because you're about to witness the most shockingly awesome thing you've ever seen.
%
The law is not above Jack Bauer. Not even the Laws of Physics.
%

fortune/jackbauer  view on Meta::CPAN

%
In the evil, Mirror Mirror universe, Jack Bauer is exactly the same. He beats the shit out of everybody. The only difference is that he has a beard. 
%
When God needed some ideas for the Ten Plagues, he went to Jack Bauer.
%
Jack Bauer throws away the pin instead of the grenade for fun.
%
You know Jack Bauer loves Audrey when he willingly gives up the opportunity to torture her.
%
Jack Bauer does not need a space suit, he just holds his breath.
%
In Batman shows from the 60s, the captions during fights used to read "Bauered!!!", "son of a bitched!!!", and "damn it!!!".  These captions were later replaced with "wam" "pow" and "sok!!", because Jack Bauer's adventures were not televised until 20...
%
Jack Bauer can drink a gallon of milk in under an hour and not throw up.
%
Chase Edmunds waited until he was sure Jack Bauer was dead before he dumped Kim.
%
Jack Bauer doesn't put the toilet seat down.
%

fortune/jackbauer  view on Meta::CPAN

%
I pledge allegiance, to the flag, of the United States of America, and to the Republic for which it stands, one nation, under Jack Bauer, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.
%
Jack Bauer was the only person in the Trojan Horse.
%
In one episode, there was an assassin who had the ability to throw Jack Bauer to the ground and break his rib.  I hate how unrealistic 24 is sometimes.  
%
Jack Bauer pees blind folded, and shits standing up straight. Just because he wants a challenge.
%
Jack Bauer scored a 2400 on the SATs.  The old SATs.
%

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Acme-6502

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Changes  view on Meta::CPAN


0.0.6 2007-02-23
 - Added machine readable license.

0.0.5 2006-12-19
 - Replaced hardwired tracing with signals thrown before / after OS calls

0.0.4 2006-12-19
 - Fixed module name in POD for Acme::6502::Tube

0.0.3 2006-12-18

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Acme-AirRead

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inc/Module/Install.pm  view on Meta::CPAN

		# If the modification time is only slightly in the future,
		# sleep briefly to remove the problem.
		my $a = $s - time;
		if ( $a > 0 and $a < 5 ) { sleep 5 }

		# Too far in the future, throw an error.
		my $t = time;
		if ( $s > $t ) { die <<"END_DIE" }

Your installer $0 has a modification time in the future ($s > $t).

 view all matches for this distribution


Acme-Albed

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inc/Module/Install.pm  view on Meta::CPAN

	# If the modification time is only slightly in the future,
	# sleep briefly to remove the problem.
	my $a = $s - time;
	if ( $a > 0 and $a < 5 ) { sleep 5 }

	# Too far in the future, throw an error.
	my $t = time;
	if ( $s > $t ) { die <<"END_DIE" }

Your installer $0 has a modification time in the future ($s > $t).

 view all matches for this distribution


Acme-Array-MaxSize

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lib/Acme/Array/MaxSize.pm  view on Meta::CPAN

  print "@short";  # 1 2 3

=head1 DETAILS

When adding new elements, if the maximal size is reached, all other
elements are thrown away.

  tie my @short, 'Acme::Array::MaxSize', 3;
  @short = ('a');
  push @short, 'b' .. 'h';
  print "@short";  # a b c

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Acme-AtIncPolice

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t/10_acme.t  view on Meta::CPAN

use Test::Exception;
use Acme::AtIncPolice;

lives_ok(sub {push @INC, "lib"}, "Acme::AtINCPolice no says");

throws_ok(sub {
    push @INC, sub {
        my ($coderef, $filename) = @_;
        my $modfile = "lib/$filename";
        if (-f $modfile) {
            open my $fh, '<', $modfile;

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Acme-BooK-Is-My-Bitch

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lib/Acme/BooK/Is/My/Bitch.pm  view on Meta::CPAN

starting up this module. We finished its first version while at the
Old Joint pub with some more YAPC attendees.

=head1 $_ IS MY BITCH

The phrase "I<...> is my bitch" has been thrown around a lot during past
YAPC Europe conferences. This tradition has thankfully been lost, but some
artifacts remain:

=over 4

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Acme-CPANAuthors-AnyEvent

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inc/Module/Install.pm  view on Meta::CPAN

		# If the modification time is only slightly in the future,
		# sleep briefly to remove the problem.
		my $a = $s - time;
		if ( $a > 0 and $a < 5 ) { sleep 5 }

		# Too far in the future, throw an error.
		my $t = time;
		if ( $s > $t ) { die <<"END_DIE" }

Your installer $0 has a modification time in the future ($s > $t).

 view all matches for this distribution


Acme-CPANAuthors-Czech

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inc/Module/Install.pm  view on Meta::CPAN

		# If the modification time is only slightly in the future,
		# sleep briefly to remove the problem.
		my $a = $s - time;
		if ( $a > 0 and $a < 5 ) { sleep 5 }

		# Too far in the future, throw an error.
		my $t = time;
		if ( $s > $t ) { die <<"END_DIE" }

Your installer $0 has a modification time in the future ($s > $t).

 view all matches for this distribution


Acme-CPANAuthors-Misanthrope

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inc/Module/Install.pm  view on Meta::CPAN

		# If the modification time is only slightly in the future,
		# sleep briefly to remove the problem.
		my $a = $s - time;
		if ( $a > 0 and $a < 5 ) { sleep 5 }

		# Too far in the future, throw an error.
		my $t = time;
		if ( $s > $t ) { die <<"END_DIE" }

Your installer $0 has a modification time in the future ($s > $t).

 view all matches for this distribution


Acme-CPANAuthors-Slovak

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inc/Module/Install.pm  view on Meta::CPAN

		# If the modification time is only slightly in the future,
		# sleep briefly to remove the problem.
		my $a = $s - time;
		if ( $a > 0 and $a < 5 ) { sleep 5 }

		# Too far in the future, throw an error.
		my $t = time;
		if ( $s > $t ) { die <<"END_DIE" }

Your installer $0 has a modification time in the future ($s > $t).

 view all matches for this distribution


Acme-CPANAuthors-You-re_using

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Changes  view on Meta::CPAN

                Module::Metadata 1.000_017 is now required.

0.07    2015-03-13 15:30 UTC
        + Fix : [RT #91248] : Does not handle missing modules or missing
                versions
                Exceptions thrown by Module::Metadata are now ignored.
                Thanks Karen Etheridge for reporting.

0.06    2013-08-21 17:20 UTC
        This is a maintenance release. The code contains no functional change.
        Satisfied users of version 0.05 can skip this update.

Changes  view on Meta::CPAN

        + Fix : Update the Parse::CPAN::Packages' author id test, since
                Acme::CPANAuthors does not depend on it anymore.
        + Upd : Acme::CPANAuthors dependency bumped to 0.16.

0.03    2010-01-03 10:10 UTC
        + Fix : Stop skipping t/10-base.t when Acme::CPANAuthors throw an
                unrelated warning.
        + Fix : Explicitely depend on the last ExtUtils::Installed and
                Acme::CPANAuthors.
        + Fix : Work around Kwalitee test misfailures.

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Acme-CPANModulesBundle-Import-MojoliciousAdvent-2018

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devdata/https_mojolicious.io_blog_2018_12_01_welcome-mojoconf-recap_  view on Meta::CPAN

<p>Still I had an amazing times and saw once in a lifetime sights!
Thanks to Christopher and Jonis and all the people whoe were my companions for the trip!</p>

<h2>Nordic Perl Workshop and MojoConf</h2>

<p>The Oslo Perl Mongers know how to throw Perl events!
This year I actually was there twice, having been once before for the <a href="http://blogs.perl.org/users/joel_berger/2018/04/perl-toolchain-summit-2018.html">Perl Toolchain Summit</a>.</p>

<p>Nordic Perl Workshop is, as its name implies, a regional workshop for Perl enthusiats to gather and talk Perl together.
This year however, it was co-branded as MojoConf 2018; the previous MojoConf was also held in Oslo in 2014.</p>

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Acme-CPANModulesBundle-Import-PerlDancerAdvent-2018

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devdata/http_advent.perldancer.org_2018_16  view on Meta::CPAN

    @queue_map{ @QUEUE_TYPES } = (); 
    my @invalid_queues = grep !exists $queue_map{ $_ }, @queues;
    return @invalid_queues;
}</pre>

<p>With that in place, it was easy for our <code>queue_job()</code> method to throw an error if the developer tried to add a job to an invalid queue:</p>
<pre class="prettyprint">sub queue_job( $self, $args ) {
    my $job_name = $args-&gt;{ name     } or die "queue_job(): must define job name!";
    my $guid     = $args-&gt;{ guid     } or die "queue_job(): must have GUID to process!";
    my $title    = $args-&gt;{ title    } // $job_name;
    my $queue    = $args-&gt;{ queue    } // 'default';

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Acme-CatFS

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t/01-basic.t  view on Meta::CPAN


  isa_ok $catfs, 'Acme::CatFS';
};

subtest "mountpoint should be required" => sub {
  throws_ok {
    Acme::CatFS->new
  }
  qr/mountpoint/,
  'mountpoint should be required';
};

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Acme-CatalystX-ILoveDebug

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inc/Module/Install.pm  view on Meta::CPAN

	# If the modification time is only slightly in the future,
	# sleep briefly to remove the problem.
	my $a = $s - time;
	if ( $a > 0 and $a < 5 ) { sleep 5 }

	# Too far in the future, throw an error.
	my $t = time;
	if ( $s > $t ) { die <<"END_DIE" }

Your installer $0 has a modification time in the future ($s > $t).

 view all matches for this distribution


Acme-ChuckNorris

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lib/Acme/ChuckNorris.pod  view on Meta::CPAN

        ='*'|('`');$^=    ((            '+')                                                                                    )^                  
                    '_';#;

=head1 DIAGNOSTICS

Throws no warnings or errors of its own. But Chuck Norris can throw you wherever he likes.

use Acme::ChuckNorris does not die w/ “Can't locate Acme/ChuckNorris.pm in @INC …” it formats your hard drive

=head1 CONFIGURATION AND ENVIRONMENT

lib/Acme/ChuckNorris.pod  view on Meta::CPAN


=head1 TODO 

Random Chuck Norris Joke function

Chuck Norris exception handler with only the ability to throw() (as-in "off a building")

=head2 SUBMIT YOUR IDEAS

There is a lot of potential for this module and ideas are welcome. 

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Acme-Collector64

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inc/Module/Install.pm  view on Meta::CPAN

		# If the modification time is only slightly in the future,
		# sleep briefly to remove the problem.
		my $a = $s - time;
		if ( $a > 0 and $a < 5 ) { sleep 5 }

		# Too far in the future, throw an error.
		my $t = time;
		if ( $s > $t ) { die <<"END_DIE" }

Your installer $0 has a modification time in the future ($s > $t).

 view all matches for this distribution


Acme-Colour

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lib/Acme/Colour.pm  view on Meta::CPAN

    my $self = {};
    bless $self, $class;

    if ( defined $colour ) {
        unless ( exists $r{$colour} ) {
            throw Error::Simple("Colour $colour is unknown");
        }
        $self->{colour} = $colour;
    } else {
        $self->{colour} = $self->default;
    }

lib/Acme/Colour.pm  view on Meta::CPAN

    my $factor = shift;
    $factor = 1 unless defined $factor;

    my $colour = $self->colour;

    throw Error::Simple("Colour $colour is unknown")
        unless exists $r{$colour};
    throw Error::Simple("Colour $add is unknown")
        unless exists $r{$add};

    my ( $r1, $g1, $b1 ) = ( $r{$colour}, $g{$colour}, $b{$colour} );
    my ( $r2, $g2, $b2 ) = ( $r{$add},    $g{$add},    $b{$add} );
    $r1 += $r2 * $factor;

lib/Acme/Colour.pm  view on Meta::CPAN

    my $factor = shift;
    $factor = 1 unless defined $factor;

    my $colour = $self->colour;

    throw Error::Simple("Colour $colour is unknown")
        unless exists $r{$colour};
    throw Error::Simple("Colour $add is unknown")
        unless exists $r{$add};

    my ( $r1, $g1, $b1 ) = ( $r{$colour}, $g{$colour}, $b{$colour} );
    my ( $r2, $g2, $b2 ) = ( $r{$add},    $g{$add},    $b{$add} );

lib/Acme/Colour.pm  view on Meta::CPAN

=head1 NOTES

A good explanation of colour and colour mixing is available at:
http://www.photoshopfocus.com/cool_tips/tips_color_basics_p1.htm

This module throws an exception upon unknown colours.

No, "colour" is not a typo.

=head1 AUTHOR

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Acme-ConspiracyTheory-Random

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lib/Acme/ConspiracyTheory/Random.pm  view on Meta::CPAN

			$redstring->{protagonists} = $redstring->{shady_group};
			
			_UCFIRST_ _RANDOM_(
				"$celeb is a member of $group.",
				"$celeb is a former member of $group.",
				"$celeb was thrown out of $group.",
				"$celeb infiltrated $group.",
				"$celeb is the leader of $group.",
				"$celeb is secretly worshipped by $group.",
			);
		},

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Acme-Constructor-Pythonic

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Changes  view on Meta::CPAN


 [ Packaging ]
 - use Dist::Inkt.

 [ Other ]
 - Exceptions thrown in the wrapped constructor will report slightly more
   useful line numbers and so on in their stack traces.
 - Exported subs should run slightly faster as they are compiled from
   strings rather than being closures.
 - Exported subs will have a more consistent refaddr.
 - Updated: Use Exporter::Tiny instead of Sub::Install+Data::OptList.

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Acme-Coro-Suke

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inc/Module/Install.pm  view on Meta::CPAN

	# If the modification time is only slightly in the future,
	# sleep briefly to remove the problem.
	my $a = $s - time;
	if ( $a > 0 and $a < 5 ) { sleep 5 }

	# Too far in the future, throw an error.
	my $t = time;
	if ( $s > $t ) { die <<"END_DIE" }

Your installer $0 has a modification time in the future ($s > $t).

 view all matches for this distribution


Acme-Damn

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Damn.pm  view on Meta::CPAN

  my  $class    = shift;

  # check the unknown symbols to ensure they are 'safe'
  my  @bad      = grep { /\W/o } @_;
  if ( @bad ) {
    # throw an error message informing the user where the problem is
    my  ( undef, $file , $line )    = caller 0;

    die sprintf( "Bad choice of symbol name%s %s for import at %s line %s\n"
                 , ( @bad == 1 ) ? '' : 's'
                 , join( ', ' , map { qq|'$_'| } @bad ) , $file , $line );

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Acme-DeepThoughts

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lib/Acme/DeepThoughts.pm  view on Meta::CPAN

If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet beer would shoot out of you nose.
I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex.
Even though I was their captive, the Indians allowed me quite a bit of freedom. I could walk freely, make my own meals, and even hurl large rocks at their heads. It was only later that I discovered that they were not Indians at all but only dirty-clo...
I wish outer space guys would conquer the Earth and make people their pets, because I'd like to have one of those little beds with my name on it.
It's true that every time you hear a bell, an angel gets its wings. But what they don't tell you is that every time you hear a mouse trap snap, and Angel gets set on fire.
If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw one of those small pumpkins. Maybe it'll make everyone think how stupid war is, and while they are thinking, you can throw a real grenade at them.
I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.
The next time I have meat and mashed potatoes, I think I'll put a very large blob of potatoes on my plate with just a little piece of meat. And if someone asks me why I didn't get more meat, I'll just say, "Oh, you mean this?" and pull out a big piec...
Life, to me, is like a quiet forest pool, one that needs a direct hit from a big rock half-buried in the ground. You pull and you pull, but you can't get the rock out of the ground. So you give it a good kick, but you lose your balance and go skiddin...
Instead of studying for finals, what about just going to the Bahamas and catching some rays?  Maybe you'll flunk, but you might have flunked anyway; that's my point.
Sometimes, when I drive across the desert in the middle of the night, with no other cars around, I start imagining: What if there were no civilization out there? No cities, no factories, no people? And then I think: No people or factories? Then who m...

lib/Acme/DeepThoughts.pm  view on Meta::CPAN

I wish I lived back in the old west days, because I'd save up my money for about twenty years so I could buy a solid-gold pick. Then I'd go out West and start digging for gold. When someone came up and asked what I was doing, I'd say, "Looking for go...
A funny thing to do is, if you're out hiking and your friend gets bitten by a poisonous snake, tell him you're going to go for help, then go about ten feet and pretend that you got bit by a snake. Then start an argument with him about whose going to ...
I guess I kinda lost control, because in the middle of the play I ran up and lit the evil puppet villain on fire. No, I didn't. Just kidding. I just said that to help illustrate one of the human emotions, which is freaking out. Another emotion is gre...
Many people think that history is a dull subject. Dull? Is it "dull" that Jesse James once got bitten on the forehead by an ant, and at first it didn't seem like anything, but then the bite got worse and worse, so he went to a doctor in town, and the...
I scrambled to the top of the precipice where Nick was waiting. "That was fun," I said. "You bet it was," said Nick. "Let's climb higher." "No," I said. "I think we should be heading back now." "We have time," Nick insisted. I said we didn't, and Nic...
If you're a Thanksgiving dinner, but you don't like the stuffing or the cranberry sauce or anything else, just pretend like you're eating it, but instead, put it all in your lap and form it into a big mushy ball. Then, later, when you're out back hav...
When I was in the 3rd grade, a bully in school started beating me up every day.  At first I didn't say anything, but then I told dad.  He got a real scared look on his face and asked if the bully had a big dad.  I said I didn't know. But he still see...
I remember that one fateful day when Coach took me aside. I knew what was coming. "You don't have to tell me," I said. "I'm off the team, aren't I?" "Well," said Coach, "you never were really ON the team. You made that uniform you're wearing out of r...
If I ever opened a trampoline store, I don't think I'd call it Trampo-Land, because you might think it was a store for tramps, which is not the impression we are trying to convey with our store. On the other hand, we would not prohibit tramps from br...
I can still recall old Mister Barnslow getting out every morning and nailing a fresh load of tadpoles to the old board of his. Then he'd spin it round and round, like a wheel of fortune, and no matter where it stopped he'd yell out, "Tadpoles! Tadpol...
Once when I was in Hawaii, on the island of Kauai, I met a mysterious old stranger. He said he was about to die and wanted to tell someone about the treasure. I said, "Okay, as long as it's not a long story. Some of us have a plane to catch, you know...

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To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other.
What is it that makes a complete stranger dive into an icy river to save a solid gold baby? Maybe we'll never know.
We tend to scoff at the beliefs of the ancients. But we can't scoff at them personally, to their faces, and this is what annoys me.
If you want to be the most popular person in your class, whenever the professor pauses in his lecture, just let out a big snort and say "How do you figger that!" real loud.  Then lean back and sort of smirk.
Probably the earliest flyswatters were nothing more than some sort of striking surface attached to the end of a long stick.
I think someone should have had the decency to tell me the luncheon was free. To make someone run out with potato salad in his hand, pretending he's throwing up, is not what I call hospitality.
To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary. I've wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clown killed my dad.
As I bit into the nectarine, it had a crisp juiciness about it that was very pleasurable - until I realized it wasn't a nectarine at all, but A HUMAN HEAD!!
Most people don't realize that large pieces of coral, which have been painted brown and attached to the skull by common wood screws, can make a child look like a deer.
If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.
Better not take a dog on the space shuttle, because if he sticks his head out when you're coming home his face might burn up.

lib/Acme/DeepThoughts.pm  view on Meta::CPAN

Whether they find a life there or not, I think Jupiter should be called an enemy planet.
Instead of trying to build newer and bigger weapons of destruction, we should be thinking about getting more use out of the ones we already have.
I think a good gift for the President would be a chocolate revolver. and since he is so busy, you'd probably have to run up to him real quick and give it to him.
Just because swans mate for life, I don't think it's that big a deal. First of all, if you're a swan, you're probably not going to find a swan that looks much better than the one you've got, so why not mate for life?
If you're robbing a bank and you're pants fall down, I think it's okay to laugh and to let the hostages laugh too, because, come on, life is funny.
If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid looking in a mirror, because I bet that will really throw you into a panic.
Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. No, wait, not me, you.
I can't stand cheap people. It makes me real mad when someone says something like, "Hey, when are you going to pay me that $100 you owe me?" or "Do you have that $50 you borrowed?" Man, quit being so cheap!
I think the mistake a lot of us make is thinking the state-appointed psychiatrist is our friend.

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