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    "slags off" => "disses",
    "slagged off" => "dissed",
    "have a piss" => "do a piss",
    "has a piss" => "does a piss",
    "had a piss" => "did a piss",
    "having a piss" => "doing a piss",
    "slagging off" => "dissing",
    "welcome to" => "hear me now, dis is",
);

sub alig {
    my ($s) = @_;
    while (my ($key, $value) = each %phrases) { $s =~ s/\b$key\b/$value/g }
    while (my ($key, $value) = each %words)   { $s =~ s/\b$key\b/$value/g }
    foreach (split ' ', $s) {
        $s =~ s/ing\b/in/g;
        $s =~ s/th\b/f/g;
        $s =~ s/en\b/un/g;
        $s =~ s/er\b/a/g;
        $s =~ s/or\b/a/g;
        #$s =~ s/^h//;