Acme-24
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NAME
Acme::24 - Your favourite TV-show Acme module
SYNOPSIS
use Acme::24;
# Tell me some random quote about Jack Bauer
print Acme::24->random_jackbauer_fact();
# Returns an arrayref with 25 random facts
my $facts = Acme::24->random_jackbauer_facts();
# Every call collects 25 random facts in a text file
# called `/tmp/superhero.txt'
Acme::24->collect_facts('/tmp/superhero.txt');
DESCRIPTION
This module was written because I'm somewhat crazy, and I'm also
fortune/jackbauer view on Meta::CPAN
When Jack Bauer found out that Chapelle was secretly watching CSI instead of 24, he shot him.
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Sprint cellphone sales skyrocketed after Jack Bauer showed people how to use them to blow up terrorists.
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Nobody says 'hit me' when Jack Bauer deals Blackjack.
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In Season 2 when Jack is stripped down by the terrorists before torture, the camera caught a glimpse of his testicles. Unfortunately for viewers, scientists have yet to provide us with a storage medium of adequate capacity to archive Jack's immense b...
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When interrogating a suspect, they say everyone has a breaking point, for most it takes hours, maybe days to crack someone. Give Jack Bauer one bullet and it'll take 2 seconds, gun and hacksaw optional.
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Looks can only kill if Jack Bauer is looking at you.
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Jack Bauer has been torturing mountain lions in the hope of getting information on the one that terrorized his daughter.
fortune/jackbauer view on Meta::CPAN
Jack Bauer is about to give new meaning to the term "Chinese Takeout".
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It would only take 1 bullet for Jack Bauer to kill 50 Cent.
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Jack Bauer was nominated for an Emmy for playing Kiefer Sutherland.
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Jack has never lost a staring match. If you attempt you enter a staring contest with Jack, its 99% likely you will be shot within 60 seconds.
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When posed with the question, "To be, or not to be?" Jack Bauer killed Shakespeare.
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Remember those times when there were two sets of footprints in the sand? That was when Jack Bauer didn't feel like carrying you.
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The only reason Osama bin Laden hasn't been caught, tortured and killed is because Jack Bauer is saving that for "Sweeps Week".
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Jack Bauer doesn't follow protocol. Protocol follows Jack Bauer.
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Whoever said, "You can't win 'em all" obviously wasn't talking to Jack Bauer.
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Shakira's hips don't lie because Jack Bauer interrogates them continuously.
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It is usually a good idea to get Jack to promise not to let anything happen to you... unless your name is Behrooz.
fortune/jackbauer view on Meta::CPAN
Jack Bauer never really learned how to fly a helicopter but it flew perfectly anyway. The helicopter was scared of what would happen if it didn't cooperate.
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Jack Bauer once arm wrestled Sylvester Stallone for custody of a Happy Meal. Bauer then went on to garrote Ronald McDonald for being what he described as "a cheap vaudeville act".
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Jack Bauer's house has an alarm system -- not to warn Jack of intruders, but to warn the intruders of Jack.
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Wearing a bullet proof vest is like wearing a pink dress to Jack Bauer. He simply needs to flex in order to stop bullets.
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Normal people have trouble killing two birds with one stone. Jack Bauer can kill thirteen birds simultaneously with a dull pencil.
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Jack Bauer has made his own newspaper that only prints insulting cartoons of the prophet Mohammed. It is now the biggest selling publication in the Arab world.
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Finding Nemo would have been vastly more exciting had Jack Bauer been looking for him.
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Vegas dealers dare not question Jack Bauer when he hits on “21” looking for a trey. In fact, they better fucking well pay up when he gets it.
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In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Jack Bauer could use to kill you, including the room itself.
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If the Great New York Blackout was on a Monday, 24 would've still been on at it's same time.
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The Secretary of Defense's son was straight before he met Jack Bauer.
fortune/jackbauer view on Meta::CPAN
Jack Bauer wouldn't accept your friendship on the facebook.
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As a child, Jack Bauer taught his dog to play dead...once.
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Jack Bauer was supposed to be in Street Fighter 2, but was later removed by beta testers because every button resulted in the same move, shooting the opponent. When asked about the glitch, Bauer replied, "that's no glitch."
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Statistically, the most dangerous occupations in America are: Logger, fisherman, pilot, and knowing Jack Bauer is alive.
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When Jack Bauer says, "I think he broke a couple of ribs," it roughly translates to, "Hmmm, that kind of stung."
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Jack Bauer is so well endowed that if he were on Prison Break, the blueprints would all be tattooed around his penis.
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The only kill Jack Bauer has ever regretted is Nina Myers, but that's only because he didn't get to torture her beforehand.
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Jack Bauer doesn't swim in shark-infested waters because it wouldn't be fair to them.
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Jack Bauer has stared death in the face so many times that Jack is no longer afraid death. Death is afraid of Jack.
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Jack Bauer refused the Godfathers offer.
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The thought of Jack Bauer gives Sub-Zero the chills.
fortune/jackbauer view on Meta::CPAN
If you tell Jack Bauer you have good news, he will kill you. Jack Bauer don't need no fucking car insurance.
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80% of all stolen helicopters in the state of California are the direct result of Jack Bauer.
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Jack Bauer is disqualified from ever appearing on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" because he can answer all the questions without using a lifeline. Jack Bauer IS the lifeline.
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When the other kids were making paper airplanes, Jack Bauer was making paper torture devices.
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Jack Bauer can blow bubbles with beef jerky.
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Jack Bauer destroyed the rainforest to print out his autobiography.
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The sound of Jack Bauer's voice can impregnate any woman, and even some men.
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Jack Bauer can mix oil and water.
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The presidents wife shows a lot of cleavage because Jack Bauer demands it.
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To successfully interrogate Audrey Rains, all Jack Bauer will have to do is go "all the way in."
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Jack has 2 wet lists. One is a list of all known terrorists around the world.. the other is a list of all women who have thought about Jack Bauer.
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Jack played kickball once when he was a little boy. Now, somewhere, there is a man with "Spalding" imprinted on his face.
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Jack Bauer can do the Moonwalk on water.
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The United States government implemented Daylight Savings Time because Jack Bauer requested more overtime.
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At work Jack Bauer squeezes grenades, necks and triggers. Stress balls are for pussies.
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When she was 5, Kim Bauer was stung by a bee. Jack Bauer spent the next 24 hours tracking down the bee and infiltrating the hive. After stuffing a towel down the throat of the perpetrator, he shot up the entire hive and murdered the queen.
This scene was later recreated during Season One of 24. The bee was played by Dennis Hopper.
fortune/jackbauer view on Meta::CPAN
Jack Bauer wears his sunglasses at night.
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The bouncer does not bother to check whether Jack Bauer is on The List.
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Jack Bauer doesn't need a Presidential pardon. He pardons the President.
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Chuck Norris wears a beard to hide the scar Jack Bauer gave him.
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Now we know it's a fact that Jack Bauer eats terrorists for breakfast.
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It is a known fact that when Time magazine awards "The Man of Year*", there is fine print on the bottom of the cover that says, " *besides Jack Bauer."
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Jack Bauer competes as his own country in the Olympics. And wins it.
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Eric Cartman respects Jack Bauer's AUTHORI-TAH.
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Don't challenge Jack Bauer in a eye starring contest, he has not yet blinked once in his life.
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The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Jack Bauer has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
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In the time it takes you to read this, Jack Bauer would have already ended your life and moved on to your neighbors.
fortune/jackbauer view on Meta::CPAN
Torturing terrorists is like riding a bike. Jack Bauer never forgets.
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Gredanko cut off his own arm rather than face Jack Bauer again. The fact speaks for itself.
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Einstein copied off Jack Bauer's work. Too bad they were the ones in his garbage.
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By seizing Jack Bauer, China has jumped to #1 in the world for the quality of weaponry available in inventory.
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If you're playing CounterStrike and Jack Bauer is on the other team, don't buy the AWP. All you're doing is saving him $4500 bucks.
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Jack Bauer doesn't take fingerprints, he takes fingers.
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Jack Bauer slept with Nina who slept with Tony who slept with Michelle which explains why she was immune to the virus.
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There are three leading causes of death among terrorists. They are all Jack Bauer.
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Jack Bauer killed Kenny. They didn't call him a bastard afterwards.
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Only Jack Bauer can fly a plane from the luggage compartment.
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For Jack Bauer, everything on Wendy's menu costs a dollar.
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Jack Bauer can divide by zero.
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Congress authorized the minting of a 24 dollar bill with Jack Bauer's picture on it, but the printing machines broke under the stress of his awesomeness.
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When Jack Bauer has no other option, he tortures someone. He has yet to have a second option.
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Edmund Burke once stated, "The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." Then he saw season one of "24" and ammended his statement to "The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for Jack Bauer to be on vaca...
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Jack Bauer washes colors and whites together.
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Jack Bauer doesn't have a cigarette after sex. He has sex again.
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When Kobe shoots 46 times, he scores 81 points. When Jack Bauer shoots 46 times, he kills 46 terrorists.
fortune/jackbauer view on Meta::CPAN
For Valentine’s Day, Jack Bauer cleaned his gun.
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Jack Bauer hates microwave ovens; he finds them too slow. Jack would rather just intimidate his food into going from raw to cooked in under a minute.
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When Jack Bauer coughs, all terrorists in the world are stricken with fear.
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Jack Bauer already knew where the nerve gas was. He just threatened to cut out Walt Cummings' eye for fun.
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Jack Bauer once went into a bar, and asked for a 'Jack Bauer'. He received three shots of Jack Daniel's, a shot of kerosene and four shots of tequila mixed. When seeing this, another man approached the bar and asked for a Jack Bauer. He got a 9mm rou...
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In addition to their VISION plan, Sprint plans to offer the CTU package, which includes color schematics, 24 volume bars (volume levels 1-23 and CHOPPER), and a self-destruct mode.
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Jack Bauer can hit two birds with no stones.
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When most people get depressed, they seek medical attention. When Jack Bauer gets depressed, all he needs is a little radiation to get him back on his feet.
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Jack Bauer is going to take down the President of the United States.
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Jack Bauer could silence Simon Cowell.
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Jack Bauer has received a grand total of $1.3 million from the tooth fairy.
fortune/unique.pl view on Meta::CPAN
my $line;
while( <STDIN> )
{
$line = $_;
if($line =~ /^\%/)
{
if(! exists $phrases{$current})
{
print $current, '%', "\n";
$phrases{$current} = 0;
}
$current = '';
}
else
{
$current .= $line;
}
}
lib/Acme/24.pm view on Meta::CPAN
=head1 NAME
Acme::24 - Your favourite TV-show Acme module
=head1 SYNOPSIS
use Acme::24;
# Tell me some random quote about Jack Bauer
print Acme::24->random_jackbauer_fact();
# 'Jack Bauer went out to the desert, and was bitten by a rattlesnake.
# The snake died.'
# Returns an arrayref with 24 random facts
my $facts = Acme::24->random_jackbauer_facts();
# Every call collects 24 random facts in a text file
# called `/tmp/superhero.txt' in fortune text format
Acme::24->collect_facts('/tmp/superhero.txt');
lib/Acme/24.pm view on Meta::CPAN
# Build a database of Jack Bauer facts
sub collect_facts
{
my($self, $file) = @_;
$file ||= './jackbauer.txt';
my $new_facts = $self->random_jackbauer_facts();
return unless $new_facts;
open(my $fh, '>>' . $file) or return;
for(@$new_facts)
{
print $fh $_, "\n%\n";
}
close($fh);
}
unless (caller) {
print random_jackbauer_fact();
# Collect random Jack Bauer facts
#$| = 1;
#while(1)
#{
# Acme::24->collect_facts() and print '.';
#}
}
1;
( run in 0.881 second using v1.01-cache-2.11-cpan-de7293f3b23 )