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fortune/jackbauer  view on Meta::CPAN

A man once told Jack Bauer that guns should be banned. Historians agree that this is the worst mistake anyone has ever made in the history of the world.
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Chase once asked Jack Bauer if he was having a case of the Mondays. This is the real reason Jack cut Chase's hand off.
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Jack Bauer eats pieces of shit like Chuck Norris and Vin Diesel for breakfast.
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Jack Bauer can eat a bag of Doritos and not get cheese on his fingers.
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When Jack Bauer signs up for a free ipod online, they actually give him one.
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All Video games now feature four difficulty levels: Easy, Normal, Hard, and Jack Bauer...No one has ever beaten the game on Jack Bauer.
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Your attraction to Jack Bauer in no way affects your sexual orientation.
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Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.
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Jack Bauer always goes for it on 4th down.
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Jack Bauer does not have enemies, just people who he has to kill.
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Jack Bauer screwed Money Penny and sent James Bond the satellite pictures as a joke.

fortune/jackbauer  view on Meta::CPAN

Jack Bauer beat Mike Tyson's Punchout on his first try (even Super Macho Man).
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Scariest Halloween costume in the Middle East? Well they probably don't even celebrate Halloween. It's scary enough being a terrorist and knowing Jack Bauer is still alive.
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Jack Bauer killed the first six 00 agents.
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Meatloaf once sang, "I would anything for love, but I won't do that." Jack Bauer did "that." Twice.
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Life doesn't give Jack Bauer lemons. Life asks him which fruit he wants.
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Brawn paper towels originally featured a picture of Jack Bauer.  The Brawn paper company quickly replaced the picture when they discovered that Jack Bauer was simply too bad ass for most consumers to handle.
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Fox has actually been trying to cancel 24 for years. The reason its still on the air is Jack Bauer killed the writers for "Dark Angel", "Titus", "Undeclared", "Action", "That '80s Show", "Wonder Falls", "Fastlane", "Andy Richter Controls the Universe...
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Jack Bauer could win the Boston Marathon. However, he feels the 1 hour and 40 minutes it would take him could be better spent killing terrorists.
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We all want to be like Jack Bauer, except we are all too much of a coward.
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Mandy is a lesbian because Jack Bauer rejected her.
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My parents told my little brother and I that Jack Bauer was "just a television character". We are now orphans.