Acme-ConspiracyTheory-Random

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lib/Acme/ConspiracyTheory/Random.pm  view on Meta::CPAN

	_MERGE_( $redstring, disease_cause => $cause );
	return $cause;
}

sub chemicals {
	my $redstring = shift // {};
	
	my $chemicals = _RANDOM_(
		'oestrogen',
		'testosterone',
		'acid',
		'birth-control',
		'fertilizer',
		'Diet Coke',
		'heavy hydrogen',
		'5G',
		'antimatter',
		'dark matter',
		'fluoride',
		'dihydrogen monoxide',
		'carbon nanotubes',

lib/Acme/ConspiracyTheory/Random.pm  view on Meta::CPAN

	my $x = _RANDOM_(
		"We all know what's going on here.",
		"It's plain and simple common sense.",
		'Most people are in denial.',
		"Isn't it obvious?",
		"Wake up, sheeple!",
		"It's obvious if you connect the dots.",
		"They leave clues to mock us.",
		"It's not funny!",
		"There are too many coincidences to ignore.",
		"You'd have to be blind not to see it!",
		"It's so obvious!",
	);

	_MERGE_( $redstring, clone => $x );
	return $x;
}

sub clone {
	my $redstring = shift // {};

lib/Acme/ConspiracyTheory/Random.pm  view on Meta::CPAN

					"viruses aren't real";
				},
				sub {
					$redstring->{topic} = { name => 'MKUltra', plural => 0 };
					"MKUltra is still happening";
				},
				sub {
					shady_group( $redstring );
					$redstring->{antagonist} //= $redstring->{shady_group};
					$redstring->{topic} = { name => 'avalanches', plural => 1 };
					$redstring->{antagonist}{name} . " was responsible for the Dyatlov Pass incident";
				},
				sub {
					$redstring->{topic} = { name => 'Jeffrey Epstein', plural => 0 };
					"Epstein didn't kill himself";
				},
				sub {
					$redstring->{topic} = { name => "Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band", plural => 0 };
					"Paul McCartney died in a car crash in 1966";
				},
				sub {

lib/Acme/ConspiracyTheory/Random.pm  view on Meta::CPAN

				'the USA used to have 52 states',
			);
		},
		sub {
			$redstring->{topic} = { name => 'the crusades', plural => 1 };
			my $subst = _RANDOM_(
				'TikTok',
				'Twitter',
				'the world wars',
				'intergalactic warfare',
				'the white genocide',
				'colonization',
				'robot wars',
			);
			"the crusades never stopped, they were just replaced with $subst";
		},
		sub {
			my $cryptids = cryptids( $redstring );
			"$cryptids are real";
		},
		sub {

lib/Acme/ConspiracyTheory/Random.pm  view on Meta::CPAN

					$redstring->{topic} = { name => 'the year of the dragon', plural => 0 };
					'the Chinese zodiac can predict the future';
				},
			);
			
			my $solution = _UCFIRST_ _RANDOM_(
				"They paid $group to kill him.",
				"$group helped cover up the truth.",
				"$group threatened to kill him to keep him quiet.",
				"He was a member of $group so they knew he would keep quiet.",
				"$group arranged a convenient \"accident\".",
			);
			
			my $destruction = _RANDOM_(
				"all of modern physics",
				'our understanding of the universe',
				"the Big Bang 'theory'",
				"Einstein's theory of relativity",
			);
			
			_UCFIRST_ "$physicist discovered that $fact but the scientific establishment is suppressing it because it would destroy $destruction. $solution";

lib/Acme/ConspiracyTheory/Random.pm  view on Meta::CPAN

					$redstring->{topic} = { name => 'space flight', plural => 0 };
					"$animal DNA comes from space";
				},
			);
			
			my $solution = _UCFIRST_ _RANDOM_(
				"They paid $group to kill him.",
				"$group helped cover up the truth.",
				"$group threatened to kill him to keep him quiet.",
				"He was a member of $group so they knew he would keep quiet.",
				"$group arranged a convenient \"accident\".",
			);
			
			my $destruction = _RANDOM_(
				"the 'theory' of evolution",
				'modern medicine',
				"the germ theory of disease",
				"our understanding of DNA",
				'creation science',
			);
			

lib/Acme/ConspiracyTheory/Random.pm  view on Meta::CPAN

			my $pronoun = $redstring->{celebrity}{female} ? 'she' : 'he';
			my $truth1 = hidden_truth( $redstring );
			my $group = shady_group( $redstring );
			$redstring->{protagonists} = $redstring->{shady_group};
			my $are = $redstring->{protagonists}->{plural} ? 'are' : 'is';
			
			my $silence = _RANDOM_(
				"$pronoun will probably have to be eliminated",
				"$pronoun is going to be killed if $pronoun isn't dead already",
				"$pronoun is being paid to stay quiet",
				"$pronoun will meet a convenient \"accident\"",
				sub {
					my $clone = clone( $redstring );
					"$pronoun has been replaced by $clone";
				},
				sub {
					my $place = bad_place( $redstring );
					"$pronoun has been imprisoned in $place";
				},
			);