view release on metacpan or  search on metacpan

fortune/jackbauer  view on Meta::CPAN

If you look up terrorist in the dictionary you will not see Jack Bauer, but Jack Bauer will see you.
%
If God and Jack Bauer were to fight, it would be God that was in a Flank-2 position.
%
Jack Bauer once kicked Paris Hilton so hard she got her virginity back.
%
Jack Bauer once took 25 hours to defeat a terrorist plot. This event was never aired because the entire test audience developed post traumatic stress disorder.
%
Only Jack Bauer can prevent forest fires. The thing is, he doesn't bother. 
%
Jack Bauer has to throw his clothes out at the end of the day, anything he wears for longer gets too attached to him.
%
The real reason the U.S. Government sold the shipping operations to Dubai Ports was to give Jack Bauer a fresh, readily-accessible supply of terrorists to kill.
%
Jack Bauer spells "idiot" L-o-g-a-n.
%
When Jack Bauer calls for backup, he isn't requesting more men. He's telling you to back the fuck up.
%
Jack Bauer's balls are visible from space.
%
Jack Bauer won the slam dunk contest without jumping.