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    @_Map_name2num {@sig_names} = @sig_nums;

    sub sig_num2name($)
        :Export( sigmappers )
    {
        my($num) = @_;
        $num =~ /^\d+$/                 || botch "$num doesn't look like a signal number";
        return $_Map_num2name{$num}     // botch_undef;
    }

    sub sig_num2longname($)
        :Export( sigmappers )
    {
        return q(SIG) . &sig_num2name;
    }

    sub sig_name2num($)
        :Export( sigmappers )
    {
        my($name) = @_;
        $name =~ /^\p{upper}+$/         || botch "$name doesn't look like a signal name";
        $name =~ s/^SIG//;
        return $_Map_name2num{$name}    // botch_undef;
    }

}

#################################################################

# You really don't want to be looking here.

BEGIN {
    package # so PAUSE doesn't index this
        Acme::Plural::pl_simple;
    require Tie::Hash;
    our @ISA = qw(Acme::Plural Tie::StdHash);

    sub TIEHASH {
        my($class, @args) = @_;
        my $self = { };
        bless $self, $class;
        return $self;
    }

    sub FETCH {
        my($self, $key) = @_;
        my($noun, $count) = (split($; => $key), 2);
        return $noun if $count eq '1';
        $self->{$noun} ||= $self->_lame_plural($noun);
    }

}

BEGIN {
    package  # so PAUSE doesn't index this
        Acme::Plural::pl_count;
    our @ISA = 'Acme::Plural::pl_simple';

    sub FETCH {
        my($self, $key) = @_;
        my $several = $self->SUPER::FETCH($key);
        my($noun, $count) = (split($; => $key), 2);
        return "$count $several";
    }

}

BEGIN {
    package # so PAUSE doesn't index this
        Acme::Plural;

    use Exporter 'import';

    our @EXPORT = qw(
        %PLURAL
        %N_PLURAL
    );

    # TODO: replace with the Lingua::EN::Inflect
    sub _lame_plural($$) {
        my($self, $str) = @_;
        return $str if $str =~ s/(?<! [aeiou] ) y  $/ies/x;
        return $str if $str =~ s/ (?: [szx] | [sc]h ) \K $/es/x;
        return $str . "s";
    }

    tie our %PLURAL    => "Acme::Plural::pl_simple";
    tie our %N_PLURAL  => "Acme::Plural::pl_count";
}

_init_public_vars();

1;

__END__

=encoding utf8

=head1 NAME

Assert::Conditional::Utils - Utility functions for conditionally-compiled assertions

=head1 SYNOPSIS

    use Assert::Conditional::Utils qw(panic NOT_REACHED);

    $big > $little
        || panic("Impossible for $big > $little");

    chdir("/")
        || panic("Your root filesystem is corrupt: $!");

    if    ($x) { ...  }
    elsif ($y) { ...  }
    elsif ($z) { ...  }
    else       { NOT_REACHED }

=head1 DESCRIPTION

This module is used by the L<Assert::Conditional> module for most of the
non-assert functions it needs.  Because this module is still in alpha