Acme-Labs
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open 0, ">$0" or print "Cannot get pinking shears! '$0'\n" and exit; # Otherwise, prepare to pinkify!
print {0} $1, pinking $plan # write out reformulated plan
and print STDOUT "Fun-fun-silly-willy!\n"
and do {eval brainier $plan or print STDERR $@; exit}; # and execute our plan
#----------------------------------------------------------------------
=pod
=head1 NAME
Acme::Labs -- When you need an extraordinary plan to Take Over the World
=head1 SYNOPSIS
use Acme::Labs;
print "Egad, brilliant, Brain!\n";
print "Oh, wait, no -- it'll never work!";
=head1 DESCRIPTION
When you run a program under C<use Acme::Labs>, the module replaces all the
big, complicated words in your source file. The code will still work the way it
used to, but it will look something like this:
use Acme::Labs;
BRAIN: "Are you pondering what I'm pondering?"
PINKY: "I think so, Brain, but where will we find a duck and a hose at this time of night?"
zort eGAD ZORt zOrt egAD " NArF ZorT ZORT zoRT, zORT eGAD ZORt zoRt zoRt ZORt ZORT zOrt egAD, nARF eGAD ZORT ZORt zOrt!\ zOrt";
zort eGAD ZORt zOrt egAD " Narf zorT, EgaD ZORT ZORt egAD, zOrt Zort -- ZORt egAD' zoRt zoRt zOrt ZOrT eGaD ZOrT eGAD EgaD Zort eGAD ZoRt!";
=head1 DIAGNOSTICS
=over 4
=item C<Fun-fun-silly-willy!>
Acme::Labs has done its work on your script. (Only appears the first time
you run under Acme::Labs, to indicate that the source code has been
translated successfully[sic].)
=item C<NARF? What does that mean?!? '%s'>
Acme::Labs could not read the source file.
=item C<Cannot get pinking shears '%s'>
Acme::Labs could not modify the source file.
=back
=head1 BUGS
There's no (easy) way to recover the original script.
(If you're going to let Pinky mess with your work, that's about what you should
expect.)
The C<use> of Acme::Labs pretty much has to be the first line in the source
code. (Well, before any run-time stuff, or something like that.) It should
also be the only statement on its line.
There are probably other bugs not documented in this section. (Unless you
count the indirect mention in the previous sentence, in which case it's not
a bug that they aren't mentioned because they are. And so saying that this
was a bug is in fact a bug itself. Whether the bug of saying bugs aren't
mentioned when really they are is covered by the indirect mentioning of the
aforementioned bugs is left as an exercise for Bertrand Russell.)
=head1 SEE ALSO
L<Acme::Bleach>, L<http://www.animaniacs.info>, your psychiatrist
=head1 AUTHOR
David Green, C<< <plato@cpan.org> >>, with apologies to Damian Conway (or vice versa).
=head1 COPYRIGHT
Copyright (c) 2003, David Green. This module is free software: It may be used,
redistributed, or modified under the terms of the Perl Artistic License
(L<http://www.perl.com/perl/misc/Artistic.html>).
=cut
#----------------------------------------------------------------------
__DATA__
but if you replace the 'P' with an 'O', my name would be 'Oinky', wouldn't it?
but don't camels spit a lot?
but 'Snowball for Windows'?
but I don't think Kay Ballard's in the union.
but I find scratching just makes it worse.
but Pete Rose? I mean, can we trust him?
but Tuesday Weld isn't a complete sentence!
but Zero Mostel times anything will still give you Zero Mostel!
but calling it pu-pu platter? Huh, what were they thinking!
but can the Gummi Worms really live in peace with the Marshmallow Chicks?
but culottes have a tendency to ride up so.
but don't you need a swimming pool to play Marco Polo?
but how will we get a pair of Abe Vigoda's pants?
but how will we get the Spice Girls into the paella?
but if it was only supposed to be a three hour tour, why did the Howells bring all their money?
but if the plural of 'mouse' is 'mice', wouldn't the plural of 'spouse' be 'spice'?
but if they called them "Sad Meals", kids wouldn't buy them!
but if we get Sam Spade, we'll never have any puppies!
but if we give peas a chance, won't the lima beans feel left out?
but if we had a snowmobile, wouldn't it melt before summer?
but if we have nothing to fear but fear itself, why does Eleanor Roosevelt wear that spooky mask?
but isn't a cucumber that small called a gherkin?
but isn't that why they invented tube socks?
but just how will we get the weasel to hold still?
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