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lib/Acme/ConspiracyTheory/Random.pm  view on Meta::CPAN

	my $redstring = shift // {};
	my $celeb = _RANDOM_(
		{ female => 0, name => 'Bill Gates' },
		{ female => 0, name => 'Jeff Bezos' },
		{ female => 1, name => 'Hillary Clinton' },
		{ female => 0, name => 'Donald Trump' },
		{ female => 0, name => 'Barack Obama' },
		{ female => 0, name => 'Bernie Sanders' },
		{ female => 0, name => 'Joe Biden' },
		{ female => 0, name => 'Bill Clinton' },
		{ female => 1, name => 'King Charles III' },
		{ female => 0, name => 'Johnny Depp' },
		{ female => 0, name => 'Q' },
		{ female => 1, name => 'Madonna' },
		{ female => 0, name => 'Sir Paul McCartney' },
		{ female => 1, name => 'Lady Gaga' },
		{ female => 1, name => 'Margaret Thatcher' },
		{ female => 0, name => 'George Soros' },
		{ female => 1, name => 'Beyonce' },
		{ female => 1, name => 'Whitney Houston' },
		{ female => 0, name => 'Joe Rogan' },
		{ female => 1, name => 'Marjorie Taylor Greene' },
		{ female => 0, name => 'Rishi Sunak' },
		{ female => 0, name => 'Vladimir Putin' },
		{ female => 0, name => 'Ron DeSantis' },
		{ female => 1, name => 'Lauren Opal Boebert' },
		{ female => 0, name => 'Elon Musk' },
	);
	_MERGE_( $redstring, celebrity => $celeb );
	return $celeb->{name};
}

sub shady_group {
	my $redstring = shift // {};
	
	my $xx;
	PICK: {
		$xx = _RANDOM_(
			{ plural => 1, name => 'the Knights Templar', shortname => 'the Templars' },
			{ plural => 1, name => 'the Illuminati' },
			{ plural => 1, name => 'the Freemasons', shortname => 'the Masons' },
			{ plural => 0, name => 'the Ordo Templi Orientis' },
			{ plural => 1, name => 'the Cabalists' },
			{ plural => 1, name => 'the Followers of the Temple Of The Vampire', shortname => 'the Vampires' },
			{ plural => 0, splural => 1, name => 'the Secret Order of the Knights of the Round Table', shortname => 'the Knights' },
			{ plural => 1, name => 'the Cardinals of the Catholic Church', shortname => 'the Cardinals' },
			{ plural => 0, name => 'the Church of Satan', shortname => 'the Church' },
			{ plural => 1, name => 'the Gnostics' },
			{ plural => 1, name => 'the Elders of Zion', shortname => 'the Elders' },
			{ plural => 1, name => 'the Jesuits' },
			{ plural => 0, name => 'the Babylonian Brotherhood', shortname => 'the Brotherhood' },
			{ plural => 0, name => 'the Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn', shortname => 'the Order' },
			{ plural => 0, name => 'Opus Dei' },
			{ plural => 0, name => 'the Priory of Sion', shortname => 'the Priory' },
			{ plural => 0, name => 'GameStop' },
			{ plural => 0, splural => 1, name => 'the British Royal Family', shortname => 'the Royals' },
			{ plural => 0, name => 'NASA' },
			{ plural => 1, name => 'the Zionists' },
			{ plural => 0, name => 'the Trump administration' },
			{ plural => 0, name => 'the Biden administration' },
			{ plural => 0, splural => 1, name => 'the Republican party', shortname => 'the Republicans' },
			{ plural => 0, splural => 1, name => 'the Democrat party', shortname => 'the Democrats' },
			{ plural => 0, name => 'the New World Order' },
			{ plural => 1, name => 'the Communists' },
			{ plural => 0, name => 'the Shadow Government' },
			{ plural => 0, name => 'the global financial elite' },
			{ plural => 0, name => 'the global scientific elite' },
			{ plural => 0, name => 'Big Pharma' },
			{ plural => 0, name => 'Big Tobacco' },
			{ plural => 1, splural => 1, name => 'the lizard people', shortname => 'the lizardmen' },
			{ plural => 1, name => 'the grey aliens', shortname => 'the aliens' },
			{ plural => 1, name => 'the big Hollywood studios', shortname => 'Hollywood' },
			{ plural => 0, name => 'the music industry' },
			{ plural => 1, name => 'shape-shifting aliens', shortname => 'the shape-shifters' },
			{ plural => 1, name => 'Satanists' },
			{ plural => 1, name => 'pagans' },
			{ plural => 1, name => 'atheists' },
			{ plural => 1, name => 'people who like pineapple on pizza', shortname => 'the pineapple-lovers' },
			{ plural => 0, name => 'the deep state' },
			{ plural => 1, name => 'the descendents of Jesus', shortname => 'the descendents' },
			{ plural => 1, name => 'Qanon' },
			{ plural => 0, name => 'Microsoft' },
			{ plural => 0, name => 'Twitter' },
			{ plural => 0, name => 'Facebook' },
			{ plural => 0, name => 'Google' },
			{ plural => 0, name => 'Monsanto' },
			{ plural => 0, name => 'the Wall Street establishment', shortname => 'Wall Street' },
			{ plural => 1, name => 'people at 10 Downing Street', shortname => "Downing Street" },
			{ plural => 0, name => 'Goldman Sachs' },
			{ plural => 0, name => 'Skull and Bones (Order 322)', shortname => 'the Order' },
			{ plural => 0, name => 'the London Stock Exchange', shortname => 'LSE' },
			{ plural => 0, name => 'the New York Stock Exchange', shortname => 'NYSE' },
			{ plural => 1, name => 'feminists' },
			{ plural => 1, name => 'Socialists' },
			sub {
				my $planet = _RANDOM_(
					['Nibiru', 'the Nibiruans'],
					['Venus', 'the Venutians'],
					['Mars', 'the Martians'],
					['Pluto', 'the Plutonians'],
					['Andromeda', 'the Andromedans'],
					['the moon', 'the moonlings'],
					['the Counter-Earth', 'the anti-Earthlings'],
				);
				{ plural => 1, name => "aliens from ".$planet->[0], shortname => $planet->[1] };
			},
		);
		
		no warnings;
		redo PICK
			if ( $redstring->{protagonists} and $redstring->{protagonists}{name} eq $xx->{name} )
			|| ( $redstring->{antagonists}  and $redstring->{antagonists}{name}  eq $xx->{name} );
	};
	
	_MERGE_( $redstring, shady_group => $xx );
	my $name = $xx->{name};
	if ($name =~ /ists$/ && $name !~ /^the/) {
		$name = "the $name";
	}
	return $name;
}

lib/Acme/ConspiracyTheory/Random.pm  view on Meta::CPAN

			"$fiction was really written by $victim";
		},
		sub {
			my $p = random_place( $redstring );
			my $extinct = _RANDOM_(
				'dinosaur',
				'mammoth',
				'sabre-tooth tiger',
				'Tasmanian tiger',
				'pterodactyl',
			);
			$redstring->{real_animal} //= $extinct;
			"the $extinct is not extinct and there is a colony in $p";
		},
		sub {
			my $group   = shady_group( $redstring );
			my $invention = invention( $redstring );
			my $are = $redstring->{shady_group}{plural} ? 'are' : 'is';
			my $was = $redstring->{invention_plural} ? 'were' : 'was';
			my $invented = _RANDOM_(
				'invented',
				'cooked up',
				'fabricated',
			);
			_RANDOM_(
				"$group $are behind $invention",
				"$group $invented $invention",
				"$invention $was $invented by $group",
			);
		},
	);
	
	_MERGE_( $redstring, hidden_truth => $truth );
	return $truth;
}

sub theory {
	my $redstring = shift // {};
	
	my $theory = _RANDOM_(
		sub {
			my $group = shady_group( $redstring );
			$redstring->{protagonists} = $redstring->{shady_group};
			my $is = $redstring->{protagonists}->{plural} ? 'are' : 'is';
			
			my $misinfo = misinformation( $redstring );
			
			my $truth = hidden_truth( $redstring );
			
			my $exclaim = _RANDOM_(
				'', '', '', '', '', '',
				" But the truth shall not be buried!",
				" Don't let yourself be deceived!",
				" Take the red pill!",
				" Believing $misinfo is taking the blue pill!",
				" Take the red pill - $truth!",
				" Believing $misinfo is for blue-pilled sheeple!",
				" Open your mind!",
			);
			
			_UCFIRST_ "$group $is spreading the lie that $misinfo to distract the public from the truth that $truth.$exclaim";
		},
		sub {
			my $protagonists = shady_group( $redstring );
			$redstring->{protagonists} = $redstring->{shady_group};
			
			my $antagonists = shady_group( $redstring );
			$redstring->{antagonists} = $redstring->{shady_group};
			
			my $time = a_long_time( $redstring );
			
			my $war_reason = _RANDOM_(
				'Nobody knows why',
				'The reasons for this have been long forgotten',
				sub {
					my $consequence = _RANDOM_(
						'disappears',
						'is assassinated',
						sub {
							my $badplace = bad_place( $redstring );
							"is taken away to $badplace";
						},
						sub {
							my $badplace = bad_place( $redstring );
							"has their mind wiped at $badplace";
						},
						'is given a blue pill',
					);
					"Everybody who finds out why $consequence";
				},
				sub {
					my $truth = hidden_truth();
					my $pro   = $redstring->{protagonists}{shortname} // $protagonists;
					my $ant   = $redstring->{antagonists}{shortname} // $antagonists;
					my $want = splural( $redstring->{protagonists} ) ? 'want' : 'wants';
					_UCFIRST_ "$pro $want to expose the truth that $truth and $ant will do whatever they can to stop them";
				},
			);
			
			_UCFIRST_ "$protagonists and $antagonists have been in a secret war with each other $time. $war_reason."
		},
		sub {
			my $group = shady_group( $redstring );
			$redstring->{protagonists} = $redstring->{shady_group};
			
			my $victim = victim( $redstring );
			
			my $truth = hidden_truth( $redstring );
			
			my $explanation = _UCFIRST_ _RANDOM_(
				sub {
					my $group2 = shady_group( $redstring );
					$redstring->{antagonists} = $redstring->{shady_group};
					
					"$victim learnt the truth from $group2";
				},
				"Nobody knows how $victim found out",
				"$victim found out because they were the source of all knowledge",
				"$victim found out using time travel",
				"$victim found out using mind reading",
				"$victim took the red pill",