Acme-ConspiracyTheory-Random
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lib/Acme/ConspiracyTheory/Random.pm view on Meta::CPAN
);
_MERGE_( $redstring, clone => $x );
return $x;
}
sub lies {
my $redstring = shift // {};
my $x = _RANDOM_(
'obvious lies',
'a big coverup',
'a fairy tale',
'disinformation',
'the Big Lie',
'fake news',
);
_MERGE_( $redstring, lies => $x );
return $x;
}
sub evidence {
my $redstring = shift // {};
my @x = (
"there's a video about it on YouTube",
sub { 'there was something about it on ' . website() },
"the voices told me",
"I had a dream",
sub { website() . ' is censoring me' },
sub { website() . ' was down this morning' },
);
if ( my $c = $redstring->{disease_cause} ) {
push @x, (
"$c is addictive",
);
}
if ( my $m = $redstring->{misinformation} ) {
push @x, (
"they indoctrinate people about '$m' at schools and if it were the truth they wouldn't need to",
"'$m' gets pushed down our throats by mass media",
"'$m' is a false-flag operation",
);
}
if ( my $auth = $redstring->{authority} ) {
push @x, (
"$auth are the obvious people to go to",
"$auth are the only ones with the power to stop them",
"$auth are able to save us",
);
}
if ( my $p = $redstring->{myth_place} ) {
push @x, (
"there are clues about $p in the Bible",
"there are clues about $p in the Voynich manuscript",
"$p is on some old maps",
"$p is on Google Maps",
);
}
if ( my $art = $redstring->{artifact} ) {
push @x, (
"$art isn't in any museum",
"$art must be somewhere",
"$art is out there",
"$art can be found with GPS",
);
}
if ( my $proj = $redstring->{shady_project} ) {
push @x, (
"everybody knows $proj is happening soon",
"$proj is well-funded",
"$proj is an open secret",
"there is so much evidence for $proj",
);
}
if ( my $dl = $redstring->{dark_lord} ) {
push @x, (
"$dl is known to be growing in power",
"$dl has never seemed more powerful",
"$dl needs to be getting power from somewhere",
"$dl told me",
"I have seen signs from $dl",
);
}
if ( my $v = $redstring->{victim} // $redstring->{physicist} // $redstring->{biologist} ) {
push @x, (
"$v died too young",
"$v sent a letter containing the truth before dying",
sub {
my $clone = clone( $redstring );
"when they did an autopsy on $v it turned out it was $clone",
},
"they never did an autopsy on $v",
"$v wrote a will",
sub {
my $g = shady_group( $redstring );
"$v was secretly one of $g";
},
sub {
my $animal = real_animal( $redstring );
"when they did an autopsy on $v it turned out they were secretly a $animal in a human suit";
},
);
}
if ( my $v = $redstring->{physicist} // $redstring->{biologist} ) {
push @x, (
"$v isn't mentioned in Aristotle's writing",
"$v hasn't given a lecture in months",
"$v isn't taken seriously by TRUE SCIENTISTS",
);
}
lib/Acme/ConspiracyTheory/Random.pm view on Meta::CPAN
"$f make me feel sick",
"I don't like $f",
);
}
if ( my $chem = $redstring->{chemicals} ) {
push @x, (
"$chem isn't on the periodic table",
"$chem isn't real",
"$chem isn't natural",
"you'd have to be stupid to think $chem is real",
);
}
if ( my $r = $redstring->{precious_resource} ) {
my ( $bad, $are, $r_are );
$redstring->{shady_group}{name} or shady_group( $redstring );
foreach ( qw/ antagonist protagonist shady_group / ) {
if ( $redstring->{$_}{name} ) {
$bad = $redstring->{$_}{name};
$are = $redstring->{$_}{plural} ? 'are' : 'is';
$r_are = ($r =~ /s$/) ? 'are' : 'is';
}
}
push @x, (
"the Wikipedia entry for $r keeps getting edited by $bad",
"$bad keeps buying $r secretly on the stock market",
"the global supply of $r is at an all time low",
"have you ever seen $r for real with your own eyes",
"$r $r_are so damn expensive",
"$r $r_are really rare",
"Alex Jones says $bad $are linked to $r",
);
}
if ( my $topic = $redstring->{topic} ) {
my $topicname = $topic->{name};
my $have = $topic->{plural} ? 'have' : 'has';
push @x, (
"there's hidden clues in the Wikipedia page about $topicname",
"THEY let it slip during an edit war in a Wikipedia page about $topicname",
"Bible numerology has clues about $topicname",
"the Voynich manuscript has clues about $topicname",
"$topicname $have always been suspicious",
"$topicname $have connections to THEM",
"nobody really understands $topicname",
"all my posts about $topicname keep getting taken down by Tumblr",
);
}
if ( my $p = $redstring->{random_place} // $redstring->{bad_place} ) {
my $bad = $redstring->{antagonist}{name}
// $redstring->{protagonist}{name}
// $redstring->{shady_group}{name}
// shady_group( $redstring );
push @x, (
"the Wikipedia entry for $p keeps getting edited by $bad",
# This has singular/plural problems - how to solve?
"$bad has ties to $p",
"$p probably isn't a real place anyway",
"$p isn't shown on any maps",
);
}
for my $actor ( qw/ protagonists antagonists / ) {
next unless $redstring->{$actor}{name};
my $name = $redstring->{$actor}{shortname} // $redstring->{$actor}{name};
my $have = splural( $redstring->{$actor} ) ? 'have' : 'has';
my $are = splural( $redstring->{$actor} ) ? 'are' : 'is';
my $s = splural( $redstring->{$actor} ) ? '' : 's';
my $ies = splural( $redstring->{$actor} ) ? 'y' : 'ies';
( my $fbname = $name ) =~ s/^the //i;
$fbname = _UCFIRST_ $fbname;
my $lies = lies();
push @x, (
"$name $have included it in their manifesto",
"$name $have been strangely quiet about it",
"$name $are always untrustworthy",
"$name $are controlling everything",
"if you Google for $name there's loads of info",
"the '$fbname Truth' Facebook page says so",
"the '$fbname Exposed' website says so",
"$name even admit$s it",
"$name den$ies it but that is $lies",
);
if ( my $animal = $redstring->{real_animal} // $redstring->{fake_animal} ) {
push @x, "$name $have a picture of the $animal on their Wikipedia entry";
}
if ( my $place = $redstring->{random_place} ) {
push @x, "$name $have a secret base in $place";
}
if ( my $topic = $redstring->{topic} ) {
my $topicname = $topic->{name};
push @x, (
"$name ${( $redstring->{$actor}{plural} ? \'keep' : \'keeps' )} editing the Wikipedia page about $topicname",
"$name $are known to have ties to $topicname",
"'$name' is almost an anagram of '$topicname'",
"'$name' is the Hebrew word for '$topicname'",
"'$name' is an anagram of '$topicname' (if you spell it wrong)",
);
}
}
my @evidences = List::Util::uniq( map { _RANDOM_(@x) } 1..2 );
if ( @evidences == 2 ) {
my ( $e1, $e2 ) = @evidences;
return _RANDOM_(
"You can tell this is the truth because $e1, and $e2.",
( ( "I know because $e1, and $e2." ) x 6 ),
"You just need to connect the dots. " . _UCFIRST_( "$e1 and $e2." ),
"I used to be asleep like you, but then I saw the clues. " . _UCFIRST_( "$e1, and $e2. WAKE UP!" ),
"THEY HIDE THE TRUTH IN PLAIN SIGHT. " . _UCFIRST_( "$e1, and $e2." ),
"You won't believe how deep the rabbit hole goes. " . _UCFIRST_( "$e1, and $e2." ),
sub { _UCFIRST_("$e1, and $e2. " . fatuous()) },
sub {
my $e3 = uc _RANDOM_(@x);
my $fatuous = fatuous();
_UCFIRST_( "$e1, and $e2. $fatuous $e3!" );
},
sub {
my $e3 = uc _RANDOM_(@x);
_UCFIRST_( "$e1, and $e2. They leave clues to mock us! $e3! MOCK! MOCK!" );
},
sub {
my $t = {};
theory($t);
_UCFIRST_( "$e1, and $e2. Isn't it obvious? Also: " . $t->{base_theory} );
},
);
}
elsif ( @evidences == 1 ) {
my ( $e1 ) = @evidences;
return _RANDOM_(
"You can tell the truth because $e1.",
_UCFIRST_("$e1 and that reveals the truth."),
"The truth is obvious if you're not a sheep, $e1.",
);
}
return _RANDOM_(
'The truth is plain to see.',
"You're blind if you can't see the truth.",
"The truth is obvious if you're not a sheep.",
);
}
sub hidden_truth {
my $redstring = shift // {};
my $truth = _RANDOM_(
sub { # wrap classics in a sub so they don't come up too often
_RANDOM_(
sub {
$redstring->{topic} = { name => 'geology', plural => 0 };
'the Earth is flat';
},
sub {
$redstring->{topic} = { name => 'Inner Space (1987)', plural => 0 };
'space is fake';
},
sub {
$redstring->{topic} = { name => 'theology', plural => 0 };
'God is real';
lib/Acme/ConspiracyTheory/Random.pm view on Meta::CPAN
my $group1 = $redstring->{protagonists}{shortname} // $redstring->{protagonists}{name};
my $group2 = shady_group( $redstring );
$redstring->{antagonists} = $redstring->{shady_group};
my $know = splural ($redstring->{antagonists}) ? 'know' : 'knows';
$theory .= " " . _UCFIRST_ _RANDOM_(
sub {
my $bribe = precious_resource_with_quantity( $redstring );
"$group2 $know the truth but $group1 have paid them off with $bribe.";
},
"$group2 $know the truth but $group1 have threatened them to keep them silent.",
"$group2 were helping them until $group1 betrayed them.",
"$group2 were helping them for a while.",
"$group2 were originally opposed to this but they're now in on it.",
"$group2 are trying to get evidence to prove it.",
);
}
_MERGE_( $redstring, base_theory => $theory );
my $evidence = evidence( $redstring );
$theory .= " $evidence" if $evidence;
my $numerology = numerology( $redstring );
$theory .= " $numerology" if $numerology;
_MERGE_( $redstring, theory => $theory );
return $theory;
}
my %special_numbers = (
19 => [ qr/COVID/, '19 is the coronavirus number' ],
24 => [ qr/TINTIN/, 'There are 24 Tintin comics' ],
33 => [ qr/MASON/, '33 is associated with the masons' ],
35 => [ qr/ELVIS/, 'Elvis was born in 1935' ],
44 => [ qr/OBAMA/, 'Barack Obama was the 44th President of the USA' ],
45 => [ qr/TRUMP|QANON|USA/, 'Donald Trump was the 45th President of the USA',
qr/UNITEDNATIONS/, 'The United Nations was founded in 1945' ],
46 => [ qr/BIDEN/, 'Joe Biden was the 46th President of the USA' ],
47 => [ qr/THECIA/, 'The CIA was founded in 1947',
qr/SILVER/, 'Silver has atomic number 47' ],
49 => [ qr/NATO/, 'NATO was founded in 1949' ],
51 => [ qr/KFC/, 'Area 51 is the fifty-first area' ],
52 => [ qr/KFC/, 'KFC was founded in 1952' ],
55 => [ qr/BIGMAC|MCDONALDS/, 'McDonalds was founded in 1955' ],
63 => [ qr/JFK|OSWALD/, 'JFK was shot in 1963' ],
79 => [ qr/GOLD/, 'Gold has the atomic number 79' ],
81 => [ qr/HIV/, 'AIDS was discovered in 1981' ],
82 => [ qr/COKE/, 'Diet Coke first came out in 1982' ],
86 => [ qr/RADON/, 'The atomic number for radon is 86' ],
92 => [ qr/URANIUM/, 'The atomic number for uranium is 92' ],
322 => [ qr/SKULL/, 'Skull and Bones is Order 322' ],
666 => [ qr/DEVIL|DEMON|SATAN/, '666 is the number of the beast' ],
);
sub numerology {
my $redstring = shift // {};
my @strings = List::Util::uniq(
grep { length }
map { my $letters = uc( $_ ); $letters =~ s/[^A-Z0-9]//g; $letters }
map {
/^(the )(.+)$/i ? $2 : $_
}
map {
ref( $_ ) ? grep( defined, $_->{name}, $_->{shortname}, $_->{title}, $_->{author} ) : $_
}
values( %$redstring )
);
my %calcs;
foreach my $string ( @strings ) {
next if length($string) >= 20;
my @letters = split //, $string;
my @numbers = map /[A-Z]/ ? ( ord($_) - 0x40 ) : $_, @letters;
my $sum = List::Util::sum( @numbers );
push @{ $calcs{$sum} ||= [] }, sprintf(
'%s = %s = %s',
join( '+', @letters ),
join( '+', @numbers ),
$sum,
);
}
foreach my $key ( %special_numbers ) {
if ( $calcs{$key} ) {
my @copy = @{ $special_numbers{$key} };
while ( @copy ) {
my ( $test, $statement ) = splice( @copy, 0 , 2 );
next unless "@strings" =~ $test;
push @{ $calcs{$key} }, "And guess what? " . $statement;
}
}
}
my @wow = map { @$_ > 1 ? @$_ : () } values %calcs;
if ( @wow ) {
return sprintf(
"%s %s",
_RANDOM_(
'The numbers never lie.',
'Trust the numbers.',
'You can see the truth in the numbers.',
),
join(
'',
map( "$_. ", @wow ),
)
);
}
return '';
}
sub bad_punctuation {
my ( $string, $cancel ) = @_;
unless ( $cancel ) {
$string =~ s/ ([A-Za-z]) ([,!?]) / $1 . _RANDOM_( $2, " $2", " $2", " $2$2") /exg;
$string =~ s/ ([A-Za-z]) ([.]) / $1 . _RANDOM_($2, $2, " $2", " ", " $2$2$2") /exg;
$string =~ s/\!/_RANDOM_('!', '!', '!!', "!!!!")/ex;
}
return $string;
}
1;
__END__
=pod
=encoding utf-8
=head1 NAME
Acme::ConspiracyTheory::Random - random theories
=head1 SYNOPSIS
use feature 'say';
use Acme::ConspiracyTheory::Random -all;
say bad_punctuation( theory() );
=head1 DESCRIPTION
This module exports a function, C<< theory() >> which returns a string.
=for html <p><img src="https://raw.githubusercontent.com/tobyink/p5-acme-conspiracytheory-random/master/assets/pepe-silvia.jpeg" alt=""></p>
There is also a function C<< bad_punctuation >> which, given a string, might
make the punctuation worse.
=head1 BUGS
Please report any bugs to
L<https://github.com/tobyink/p5-acme-conspiracytheory-random/issues>.
=head1 SEE ALSO
REDACTED
=head1 AUTHOR
Toby Inkster E<lt>tobyink@cpan.orgE<gt>.
=head1 CONTRIBUTORS
( run in 0.539 second using v1.01-cache-2.11-cpan-140bd7fdf52 )