Acme-ConspiracyTheory-Random
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lib/Acme/ConspiracyTheory/Random.pm view on Meta::CPAN
{ female => 0, name => 'Donald Trump' },
{ female => 0, name => 'Barack Obama' },
{ female => 0, name => 'Bernie Sanders' },
{ female => 0, name => 'Joe Biden' },
{ female => 0, name => 'Bill Clinton' },
{ female => 1, name => 'King Charles III' },
{ female => 0, name => 'Johnny Depp' },
{ female => 0, name => 'Q' },
{ female => 1, name => 'Madonna' },
{ female => 0, name => 'Sir Paul McCartney' },
{ female => 1, name => 'Lady Gaga' },
{ female => 1, name => 'Margaret Thatcher' },
{ female => 0, name => 'George Soros' },
{ female => 1, name => 'Beyonce' },
{ female => 1, name => 'Whitney Houston' },
{ female => 0, name => 'Joe Rogan' },
{ female => 1, name => 'Marjorie Taylor Greene' },
{ female => 0, name => 'Rishi Sunak' },
{ female => 0, name => 'Vladimir Putin' },
{ female => 0, name => 'Ron DeSantis' },
{ female => 1, name => 'Lauren Opal Boebert' },
{ female => 0, name => 'Elon Musk' },
);
_MERGE_( $redstring, celebrity => $celeb );
return $celeb->{name};
}
sub shady_group {
my $redstring = shift // {};
my $xx;
PICK: {
$xx = _RANDOM_(
{ plural => 1, name => 'the Knights Templar', shortname => 'the Templars' },
{ plural => 1, name => 'the Illuminati' },
{ plural => 1, name => 'the Freemasons', shortname => 'the Masons' },
{ plural => 0, name => 'the Ordo Templi Orientis' },
{ plural => 1, name => 'the Cabalists' },
{ plural => 1, name => 'the Followers of the Temple Of The Vampire', shortname => 'the Vampires' },
{ plural => 0, splural => 1, name => 'the Secret Order of the Knights of the Round Table', shortname => 'the Knights' },
{ plural => 1, name => 'the Cardinals of the Catholic Church', shortname => 'the Cardinals' },
{ plural => 0, name => 'the Church of Satan', shortname => 'the Church' },
{ plural => 1, name => 'the Gnostics' },
{ plural => 1, name => 'the Elders of Zion', shortname => 'the Elders' },
{ plural => 1, name => 'the Jesuits' },
{ plural => 0, name => 'the Babylonian Brotherhood', shortname => 'the Brotherhood' },
{ plural => 0, name => 'the Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn', shortname => 'the Order' },
{ plural => 0, name => 'Opus Dei' },
{ plural => 0, name => 'the Priory of Sion', shortname => 'the Priory' },
{ plural => 0, name => 'GameStop' },
{ plural => 0, splural => 1, name => 'the British Royal Family', shortname => 'the Royals' },
{ plural => 0, name => 'NASA' },
{ plural => 1, name => 'the Zionists' },
{ plural => 0, name => 'the Trump administration' },
{ plural => 0, name => 'the Biden administration' },
{ plural => 0, splural => 1, name => 'the Republican party', shortname => 'the Republicans' },
{ plural => 0, splural => 1, name => 'the Democrat party', shortname => 'the Democrats' },
{ plural => 0, name => 'the New World Order' },
{ plural => 1, name => 'the Communists' },
{ plural => 0, name => 'the Shadow Government' },
{ plural => 0, name => 'the global financial elite' },
{ plural => 0, name => 'the global scientific elite' },
{ plural => 0, name => 'Big Pharma' },
{ plural => 0, name => 'Big Tobacco' },
{ plural => 1, splural => 1, name => 'the lizard people', shortname => 'the lizardmen' },
{ plural => 1, name => 'the grey aliens', shortname => 'the aliens' },
{ plural => 1, name => 'the big Hollywood studios', shortname => 'Hollywood' },
{ plural => 0, name => 'the music industry' },
{ plural => 1, name => 'shape-shifting aliens', shortname => 'the shape-shifters' },
{ plural => 1, name => 'Satanists' },
{ plural => 1, name => 'pagans' },
{ plural => 1, name => 'atheists' },
{ plural => 1, name => 'people who like pineapple on pizza', shortname => 'the pineapple-lovers' },
{ plural => 0, name => 'the deep state' },
{ plural => 1, name => 'the descendents of Jesus', shortname => 'the descendents' },
{ plural => 1, name => 'Qanon' },
{ plural => 0, name => 'Microsoft' },
{ plural => 0, name => 'Twitter' },
{ plural => 0, name => 'Facebook' },
{ plural => 0, name => 'Google' },
{ plural => 0, name => 'Monsanto' },
{ plural => 0, name => 'the Wall Street establishment', shortname => 'Wall Street' },
{ plural => 1, name => 'people at 10 Downing Street', shortname => "Downing Street" },
{ plural => 0, name => 'Goldman Sachs' },
{ plural => 0, name => 'Skull and Bones (Order 322)', shortname => 'the Order' },
{ plural => 0, name => 'the London Stock Exchange', shortname => 'LSE' },
{ plural => 0, name => 'the New York Stock Exchange', shortname => 'NYSE' },
{ plural => 1, name => 'feminists' },
{ plural => 1, name => 'Socialists' },
sub {
my $planet = _RANDOM_(
['Nibiru', 'the Nibiruans'],
['Venus', 'the Venutians'],
['Mars', 'the Martians'],
['Pluto', 'the Plutonians'],
['Andromeda', 'the Andromedans'],
['the moon', 'the moonlings'],
['the Counter-Earth', 'the anti-Earthlings'],
);
{ plural => 1, name => "aliens from ".$planet->[0], shortname => $planet->[1] };
},
);
no warnings;
redo PICK
if ( $redstring->{protagonists} and $redstring->{protagonists}{name} eq $xx->{name} )
|| ( $redstring->{antagonists} and $redstring->{antagonists}{name} eq $xx->{name} );
};
_MERGE_( $redstring, shady_group => $xx );
my $name = $xx->{name};
if ($name =~ /ists$/ && $name !~ /^the/) {
$name = "the $name";
}
return $name;
}
sub real_animal {
my $redstring = shift // {};
my $animal = _RANDOM_(
'cat',
lib/Acme/ConspiracyTheory/Random.pm view on Meta::CPAN
$has = 'have';
$was = 'were';
}
push @x, (
"everybody knows $mc $is real",
sub { "$mc $has been researched by ${ \ shady_group($redstring) } $time" },
sub { "$mc $was used to conceal ${ \ shady_group($redstring) } $time" },
sub { "$mc $was used to infiltrate ${ \ shady_group($redstring) }" },
);
}
if ( my $ft = $redstring->{future_time} ) {
push @x, (
"some of the few people still alive $ft time-travelled back to tell us",
"the people still alive $ft sent us hidden messages in ${ \ fiction() }",
"it will all become clear $ft",
);
}
if ( my $d = $redstring->{disease} ) {
push @x, (
"patients with $d keep disappearing from hospitals",
"patients with $d are being silenced by the government",
"doctors working on $d are being killed",
"$d probably isn't even a real disease",
"nobody has ever died of $d",
);
}
if ( my $f = $redstring->{food} ) {
push @x, (
"$f don't taste like they used to",
"$f smell funny",
"$f make me feel sick",
"I don't like $f",
);
}
if ( my $chem = $redstring->{chemicals} ) {
push @x, (
"$chem isn't on the periodic table",
"$chem isn't real",
"$chem isn't natural",
"you'd have to be stupid to think $chem is real",
);
}
if ( my $r = $redstring->{precious_resource} ) {
my ( $bad, $are, $r_are );
$redstring->{shady_group}{name} or shady_group( $redstring );
foreach ( qw/ antagonist protagonist shady_group / ) {
if ( $redstring->{$_}{name} ) {
$bad = $redstring->{$_}{name};
$are = $redstring->{$_}{plural} ? 'are' : 'is';
$r_are = ($r =~ /s$/) ? 'are' : 'is';
}
}
push @x, (
"the Wikipedia entry for $r keeps getting edited by $bad",
"$bad keeps buying $r secretly on the stock market",
"the global supply of $r is at an all time low",
"have you ever seen $r for real with your own eyes",
"$r $r_are so damn expensive",
"$r $r_are really rare",
"Alex Jones says $bad $are linked to $r",
);
}
if ( my $topic = $redstring->{topic} ) {
my $topicname = $topic->{name};
my $have = $topic->{plural} ? 'have' : 'has';
push @x, (
"there's hidden clues in the Wikipedia page about $topicname",
"THEY let it slip during an edit war in a Wikipedia page about $topicname",
"Bible numerology has clues about $topicname",
"the Voynich manuscript has clues about $topicname",
"$topicname $have always been suspicious",
"$topicname $have connections to THEM",
"nobody really understands $topicname",
"all my posts about $topicname keep getting taken down by Tumblr",
);
}
if ( my $p = $redstring->{random_place} // $redstring->{bad_place} ) {
my $bad = $redstring->{antagonist}{name}
// $redstring->{protagonist}{name}
// $redstring->{shady_group}{name}
// shady_group( $redstring );
push @x, (
"the Wikipedia entry for $p keeps getting edited by $bad",
# This has singular/plural problems - how to solve?
"$bad has ties to $p",
"$p probably isn't a real place anyway",
"$p isn't shown on any maps",
);
}
for my $actor ( qw/ protagonists antagonists / ) {
next unless $redstring->{$actor}{name};
my $name = $redstring->{$actor}{shortname} // $redstring->{$actor}{name};
my $have = splural( $redstring->{$actor} ) ? 'have' : 'has';
my $are = splural( $redstring->{$actor} ) ? 'are' : 'is';
my $s = splural( $redstring->{$actor} ) ? '' : 's';
my $ies = splural( $redstring->{$actor} ) ? 'y' : 'ies';
( my $fbname = $name ) =~ s/^the //i;
$fbname = _UCFIRST_ $fbname;
my $lies = lies();
push @x, (
"$name $have included it in their manifesto",
"$name $have been strangely quiet about it",
"$name $are always untrustworthy",
"$name $are controlling everything",
"if you Google for $name there's loads of info",
"the '$fbname Truth' Facebook page says so",
"the '$fbname Exposed' website says so",
"$name even admit$s it",
"$name den$ies it but that is $lies",
lib/Acme/ConspiracyTheory/Random.pm view on Meta::CPAN
$redstring->{topic} = { name => 'Jeffrey Epstein', plural => 0 };
"Epstein didn't kill himself";
},
sub {
$redstring->{topic} = { name => "Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band", plural => 0 };
"Paul McCartney died in a car crash in 1966";
},
sub {
$redstring->{topic} = { name => 'Stonehenge', plural => 0 };
$redstring->{random_place} //= 'Somerset';
"the aliens built Stonehenge";
},
sub {
$redstring->{topic} = { name => 'the Sphinx', plural => 0 };
$redstring->{random_place} //= 'Egypt';
"the aliens built the Pyramids";
},
sub {
$redstring->{topic} = { name => 'Loch Ness', plural => 0 };
$redstring->{random_place} //= 'Scotland';
"the Loch Ness monster is real";
},
sub {
$redstring->{topic} = { name => 'grain farming', plural => 0 };
$redstring->{random_place} //= 'Alabama';
"crop circles are caused by aliens";
},
sub {
$redstring->{topic} = { name => 'kidnapping', plural => 0 };
$redstring->{random_place} //= 'Alabama';
"aliens abduct people for probing";
},
sub {
$redstring->{topic} = { name => 'CERN', plural => 0 };
$redstring->{random_place} //= 'Switzerland';
"the large hadron collider will destroy the planet";
},
sub {
$redstring->{topic} = { name => 'steal beams', plural => 1 };
$redstring->{random_place} //= 'New York';
"9/11 was an inside job";
},
sub {
my $badevent = _RANDOM_(
'Columbine',
'Sandy Hook',
'the Boston Marathon Bombing',
'Malaysia Airlines Flight 370',
'the JFK assassination',
'Project Monarch',
'the 1993 WTC bombing',
'the 2017 hurricane season (Project Geostorm)',
'Deepwater Horizon',
);
$redstring->{topic} = { name => 'false flag operations', plural => 1 };
"$badevent was orchestrated by the US government";
},
sub {
$redstring->{topic} = { name => 'glaciers', plural => 1 };
$redstring->{random_place} //= 'Greenland';
"global warming is a hoax";
},
sub {
$redstring->{topic} = { name => 'geology', plural => 0 };
'the US government knows exactly when Yellowstone will erupt';
},
sub {
$redstring->{topic} = { name => 'cloud seeding', plural => 0 };
"the government controls the weather";
},
sub {
$redstring->{topic} = { name => 'Snapple', plural => 0 };
"Snapple is owned by the KKK";
},
sub {
my $disease = disease( $redstring );
$redstring->{topic} = { name => 'biological warfare', plural => 0 };
"$disease was developed as a bioweapon";
},
sub {
$redstring->{topic} = { name => 'gas chambers', plural => 1 };
$redstring->{random_place} //= 'Germany';
"the holocaust never happened";
},
sub {
$redstring->{topic} = { name => 'fascism', plural => 0 };
$redstring->{random_place} //= 'Australia';
"Antifa International have been starting wildfires";
},
sub {
$redstring->{topic} = { name => 'phantom time', plural => 0 };
"the years between 614 and 911 never happened";
},
sub {
$redstring->{topic} = { name => 'Nazis', plural => 1 };
"there is a Nazi base on the moon";
},
sub {
$redstring->{topic} = { name => 'Nazis', plural => 1 };
"there is a Nazi base in Antarctica";
},
sub {
$redstring->{topic} = { name => 'wrestling', plural => 0 };
"all professional sports are scripted";
},
sub {
my $website = website( $redstring );
my $spies = _RANDOM_(
'spies',
'the CIA',
'GCHQ',
'the NSA',
'the Kremlin',
'Ipsos MORI',
sub {
my $g = shady_group( $redstring );
$redstring->{shady_group}{plural} ? $g : "spies from $g";
}
);
$redstring->{topic} = { name => 'biscuits', plural => 1 };
"$spies are using cookies to see everything you look at on $website";
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