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lib/Acme/ConspiracyTheory/Random.pm  view on Meta::CPAN

		'heavy hydrogen',
		'5G',
		'antimatter',
		'dark matter',
		'fluoride',
		'dihydrogen monoxide',
		'carbon nanotubes',
	);
	
	_MERGE_( $redstring, chemicals => $chemicals );
	return $chemicals;
}

sub food {
	my $redstring = shift // {};
	
	my $food = _RANDOM_(
		'apples',
		'Big Macs',
		'KFC family buckets',
		'most wines',
		'Kraft instant mac and cheese boxes',
		'bananas',
	);
	
	_MERGE_( $redstring, food => $food );
	return $food;
}

sub attribute {
	my $redstring = shift // {};
	
	my $attr = _RANDOM_(
		'gay',
		'insane',
		'infertile',
		'immobile',
		'horny',
		'female',
		'fat',
		'fluorescent',
	);
	
	_MERGE_( $redstring, attribute => $attr );
	return $attr;
}

sub artifact {
	my $redstring = shift // {};
	
	my $artifact = _RANDOM_(
		'the holy grail',
		'the golden fleece',
		'Excalibur',
		'the ark of the covenant',
		"Jesus's foreskin",
		'the Holy Prepuce',
		'the Book of the Dead',
		'the Necronomicon',
		"the Philosopher's Stone",
		"a fragment of the true cross",
		"the seal of Solomon",
		'the crystal skull',
		sub { "a golden " . fake_animal( $redstring ) },
		'the original copy of the bible',
		'the original copy of the quran',
		'the original copy of the Declaration of Independence',
	);
	
	_MERGE_( $redstring, artifact => $artifact );
	return $artifact;
}

sub bad_place {
	my $redstring = shift // {};
	
	my $bad_place = _RANDOM_(
		'a secret Antarctic base',
		'Area 51',
		'Langley, Virginia',
		'Guantanamo Bay Detention Camp',
		'Windsor Castle',
		'The Pentagon',
		'Denver International Airport',
		'the basement of the Vatican',
		sub { myth_place( $redstring ) },
		sub {
			my $p = random_place( $redstring );
			"a series of tunnels underneath $p";
		},
		sub {
			my $p = random_place( $redstring );
			"a secret base in $p";
		},
		'a facility inside the hollow Earth', 
	);
	
	_MERGE_( $redstring, bad_place => $bad_place );
	return $bad_place;
}

sub random_place {
	my $redstring = shift // {};
	
	my $random_place = _RANDOM_(
		'the USA',
		'the UK',
		'France',
		'Italy',
		'Germany',
		'Spain',
		'Egypt',
		'Israel',
		'Lebanon',
		'Syria',
		'Japan',
		'China',
		'Brazil',
		'Argentina',
		'Chile',
		'Tunisia',