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lib/Acme/ConspiracyTheory/Random.pm  view on Meta::CPAN

sub clone {
	my $redstring = shift // {};

	my $x = _RANDOM_(
		'an actor',
		'an alien',
		'an avatar',
		'a CGI replica',
		'a clone',
		'a cyborg',
		'a hologram',
		'an impersonator',
		'a look-alike',
		'a robot',
		'a shapeshifter',
	);

	_MERGE_( $redstring, clone => $x );
	return $x;
}

sub lies {
	my $redstring = shift // {};

	my $x = _RANDOM_(
		'obvious lies',
		'a big coverup',
		'a fairy tale',
		'disinformation',
		'the Big Lie',
		'fake news',
	);
	
	_MERGE_( $redstring, lies => $x );
	return $x;
}

sub evidence {
	my $redstring = shift // {};
	
	my @x = (
		"there's a video about it on YouTube",
		sub { 'there was something about it on ' . website() },
		"the voices told me",
		"I had a dream",
		sub { website() . ' is censoring me' },
		sub { website() . ' was down this morning' },
	);

	if ( my $c = $redstring->{disease_cause} ) {
		push @x, (
			"$c is addictive",
		);
	}
	
	if ( my $m = $redstring->{misinformation} ) {
		push @x, (
			"they indoctrinate people about '$m' at schools and if it were the truth they wouldn't need to",
			"'$m' gets pushed down our throats by mass media",
			"'$m' is a false-flag operation",
		);
	}
	
	if ( my $auth = $redstring->{authority} ) {
		push @x, (
			"$auth are the obvious people to go to",
			"$auth are the only ones with the power to stop them",
			"$auth are able to save us",
		);
	}

	if ( my $p = $redstring->{myth_place} ) {
		push @x, (
			"there are clues about $p in the Bible",
			"there are clues about $p in the Voynich manuscript",
			"$p is on some old maps",
			"$p is on Google Maps",
		);
	}

	if ( my $art = $redstring->{artifact} ) {
		push @x, (
			"$art isn't in any museum",
			"$art must be somewhere",
			"$art is out there",
			"$art can be found with GPS",
		);
	}

	if ( my $proj = $redstring->{shady_project} ) {
		push @x, (
			"everybody knows $proj is happening soon",
			"$proj is well-funded",
			"$proj is an open secret",
			"there is so much evidence for $proj",
		);
	}
	
	if ( my $dl = $redstring->{dark_lord} ) {
		push @x, (
			"$dl is known to be growing in power",
			"$dl has never seemed more powerful",
			"$dl needs to be getting power from somewhere",
			"$dl told me",
			"I have seen signs from $dl",
		);
	}
	
	if ( my $v = $redstring->{victim} // $redstring->{physicist} // $redstring->{biologist} ) {
		push @x, (
			"$v died too young",
			"$v sent a letter containing the truth before dying",
			sub {
				my $clone = clone( $redstring );
				"when they did an autopsy on $v it turned out it was $clone",
			},
			"they never did an autopsy on $v",
			"$v wrote a will",
			sub {
				my $g = shady_group( $redstring );

lib/Acme/ConspiracyTheory/Random.pm  view on Meta::CPAN

					shady_group( $redstring );
					$redstring->{antagonist} //= $redstring->{shady_group};
					$redstring->{topic} = { name => 'avalanches', plural => 1 };
					$redstring->{antagonist}{name} . " was responsible for the Dyatlov Pass incident";
				},
				sub {
					$redstring->{topic} = { name => 'Jeffrey Epstein', plural => 0 };
					"Epstein didn't kill himself";
				},
				sub {
					$redstring->{topic} = { name => "Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band", plural => 0 };
					"Paul McCartney died in a car crash in 1966";
				},
				sub {
					$redstring->{topic} = { name => 'Stonehenge', plural => 0 };
					$redstring->{random_place} //= 'Somerset';
					"the aliens built Stonehenge";
				},
				sub {
					$redstring->{topic} = { name => 'the Sphinx', plural => 0 };
					$redstring->{random_place} //= 'Egypt';
					"the aliens built the Pyramids";
				},
				sub {
					$redstring->{topic} = { name => 'Loch Ness', plural => 0 };
					$redstring->{random_place} //= 'Scotland';
					"the Loch Ness monster is real";
				},
				sub {
					$redstring->{topic} = { name => 'grain farming', plural => 0 };
					$redstring->{random_place} //= 'Alabama';
					"crop circles are caused by aliens";
				},
				sub {
					$redstring->{topic} = { name => 'kidnapping', plural => 0 };
					$redstring->{random_place} //= 'Alabama';
					"aliens abduct people for probing";
				},
				sub {
					$redstring->{topic} = { name => 'CERN', plural => 0 };
					$redstring->{random_place} //= 'Switzerland';
					"the large hadron collider will destroy the planet";
				},
				sub {
					$redstring->{topic} = { name => 'steal beams', plural => 1 };
					$redstring->{random_place} //= 'New York';
					"9/11 was an inside job";
				},
				sub {
					my $badevent = _RANDOM_(
						'Columbine',
						'Sandy Hook',
						'the Boston Marathon Bombing',
						'Malaysia Airlines Flight 370',
						'the JFK assassination',
						'Project Monarch',
						'the 1993 WTC bombing',
						'the 2017 hurricane season (Project Geostorm)',
						'Deepwater Horizon',
					);
					$redstring->{topic} = { name => 'false flag operations', plural => 1 };
					"$badevent was orchestrated by the US government";
				},
				sub {
					$redstring->{topic} = { name => 'glaciers', plural => 1 };
					$redstring->{random_place} //= 'Greenland';
					"global warming is a hoax";
				},
				sub {
					$redstring->{topic} = { name => 'geology', plural => 0 };
					'the US government knows exactly when Yellowstone will erupt';
				},
				sub {
					$redstring->{topic} = { name => 'cloud seeding', plural => 0 };
					"the government controls the weather";
				},
				sub {
					$redstring->{topic} = { name => 'Snapple', plural => 0 };
					"Snapple is owned by the KKK";
				},
				sub {
					my $disease = disease( $redstring );
					$redstring->{topic} = { name => 'biological warfare', plural => 0 };
					"$disease was developed as a bioweapon";
				},
				sub {
					$redstring->{topic} = { name => 'gas chambers', plural => 1 };
					$redstring->{random_place} //= 'Germany';
					"the holocaust never happened";
				},
				sub {
					$redstring->{topic} = { name => 'fascism', plural => 0 };
					$redstring->{random_place} //= 'Australia';
					"Antifa International have been starting wildfires";
				},
				sub {
					$redstring->{topic} = { name => 'phantom time', plural => 0 };
					"the years between 614 and 911 never happened";
				},
				sub {
					$redstring->{topic} = { name => 'Nazis', plural => 1 };
					"there is a Nazi base on the moon";
				},
				sub {
					$redstring->{topic} = { name => 'Nazis', plural => 1 };
					"there is a Nazi base in Antarctica";
				},
				sub {
					$redstring->{topic} = { name => 'wrestling', plural => 0 };
					"all professional sports are scripted";
				},
				sub {
					my $website = website( $redstring );
					my $spies   = _RANDOM_(
						'spies',
						'the CIA',
						'GCHQ',
						'the NSA',
						'the Kremlin',
						'Ipsos MORI',
						sub {