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lib/Acme/ConspiracyTheory/Random.pm  view on Meta::CPAN

}

sub shady_group {
	my $redstring = shift // {};
	
	my $xx;
	PICK: {
		$xx = _RANDOM_(
			{ plural => 1, name => 'the Knights Templar', shortname => 'the Templars' },
			{ plural => 1, name => 'the Illuminati' },
			{ plural => 1, name => 'the Freemasons', shortname => 'the Masons' },
			{ plural => 0, name => 'the Ordo Templi Orientis' },
			{ plural => 1, name => 'the Cabalists' },
			{ plural => 1, name => 'the Followers of the Temple Of The Vampire', shortname => 'the Vampires' },
			{ plural => 0, splural => 1, name => 'the Secret Order of the Knights of the Round Table', shortname => 'the Knights' },
			{ plural => 1, name => 'the Cardinals of the Catholic Church', shortname => 'the Cardinals' },
			{ plural => 0, name => 'the Church of Satan', shortname => 'the Church' },
			{ plural => 1, name => 'the Gnostics' },
			{ plural => 1, name => 'the Elders of Zion', shortname => 'the Elders' },
			{ plural => 1, name => 'the Jesuits' },
			{ plural => 0, name => 'the Babylonian Brotherhood', shortname => 'the Brotherhood' },
			{ plural => 0, name => 'the Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn', shortname => 'the Order' },
			{ plural => 0, name => 'Opus Dei' },
			{ plural => 0, name => 'the Priory of Sion', shortname => 'the Priory' },
			{ plural => 0, name => 'GameStop' },
			{ plural => 0, splural => 1, name => 'the British Royal Family', shortname => 'the Royals' },
			{ plural => 0, name => 'NASA' },
			{ plural => 1, name => 'the Zionists' },
			{ plural => 0, name => 'the Trump administration' },
			{ plural => 0, name => 'the Biden administration' },
			{ plural => 0, splural => 1, name => 'the Republican party', shortname => 'the Republicans' },
			{ plural => 0, splural => 1, name => 'the Democrat party', shortname => 'the Democrats' },
			{ plural => 0, name => 'the New World Order' },
			{ plural => 1, name => 'the Communists' },
			{ plural => 0, name => 'the Shadow Government' },
			{ plural => 0, name => 'the global financial elite' },
			{ plural => 0, name => 'the global scientific elite' },
			{ plural => 0, name => 'Big Pharma' },
			{ plural => 0, name => 'Big Tobacco' },
			{ plural => 1, splural => 1, name => 'the lizard people', shortname => 'the lizardmen' },
			{ plural => 1, name => 'the grey aliens', shortname => 'the aliens' },
			{ plural => 1, name => 'the big Hollywood studios', shortname => 'Hollywood' },
			{ plural => 0, name => 'the music industry' },
			{ plural => 1, name => 'shape-shifting aliens', shortname => 'the shape-shifters' },
			{ plural => 1, name => 'Satanists' },
			{ plural => 1, name => 'pagans' },
			{ plural => 1, name => 'atheists' },
			{ plural => 1, name => 'people who like pineapple on pizza', shortname => 'the pineapple-lovers' },
			{ plural => 0, name => 'the deep state' },
			{ plural => 1, name => 'the descendents of Jesus', shortname => 'the descendents' },
			{ plural => 1, name => 'Qanon' },
			{ plural => 0, name => 'Microsoft' },
			{ plural => 0, name => 'Twitter' },
			{ plural => 0, name => 'Facebook' },
			{ plural => 0, name => 'Google' },
			{ plural => 0, name => 'Monsanto' },
			{ plural => 0, name => 'the Wall Street establishment', shortname => 'Wall Street' },
			{ plural => 1, name => 'people at 10 Downing Street', shortname => "Downing Street" },
			{ plural => 0, name => 'Goldman Sachs' },
			{ plural => 0, name => 'Skull and Bones (Order 322)', shortname => 'the Order' },
			{ plural => 0, name => 'the London Stock Exchange', shortname => 'LSE' },
			{ plural => 0, name => 'the New York Stock Exchange', shortname => 'NYSE' },
			{ plural => 1, name => 'feminists' },
			{ plural => 1, name => 'Socialists' },
			sub {
				my $planet = _RANDOM_(
					['Nibiru', 'the Nibiruans'],
					['Venus', 'the Venutians'],
					['Mars', 'the Martians'],
					['Pluto', 'the Plutonians'],
					['Andromeda', 'the Andromedans'],
					['the moon', 'the moonlings'],
					['the Counter-Earth', 'the anti-Earthlings'],
				);
				{ plural => 1, name => "aliens from ".$planet->[0], shortname => $planet->[1] };
			},
		);
		
		no warnings;
		redo PICK
			if ( $redstring->{protagonists} and $redstring->{protagonists}{name} eq $xx->{name} )
			|| ( $redstring->{antagonists}  and $redstring->{antagonists}{name}  eq $xx->{name} );
	};
	
	_MERGE_( $redstring, shady_group => $xx );
	my $name = $xx->{name};
	if ($name =~ /ists$/ && $name !~ /^the/) {
		$name = "the $name";
	}
	return $name;
}

sub real_animal {
	my $redstring = shift // {};
	
	my $animal = _RANDOM_(
		'cat',
		'dog',
		'horse',
		'penguin',
		'platypus',
		'toucan',
		'whale',
		'zebra',
		'frog',
		'fish',
		'sea turtle',
	);
	
	_MERGE_( $redstring, real_animal => $animal );
	return $animal;
}

sub fake_animal {
	my $redstring = shift // {};
	
	my $animal = _RANDOM_(
		'unicorn',
		'bigfoot',
		'mermaid',
		'werewolf',
		'dragon',