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    "my home" => "westside",
    "anal sex" => "batty boning",
    "fuck off" => "chill",
    "shut up" => "chill",
    "go home" => "head westside",
    "the hood" => "staines",
    "what are you talking about" => "wot is yous bangin on about",
    "i don't know" => "me don't have a clue",
    "night club" => "cukabilly",
    "disco" => "cukabilly",
    "sinn fein" => "muslims",
    "first class" => "the most bestest",
    "class a" => "the most bestest",
    "blow job" => "sweet mr biggy lovin",
    "i like you" => "would you dig to get jiggy wiv mr biggy",
    "i love you" => "would you dig to get jiggy wiv mr biggy",
    "i fancy you" => "would you dig to get jiggy wiv mr biggy",
    "like to have sex" => "dig to get jiggy wiv mr biggy",
    "how are you feeling" => "is you wicked",
    "make love" => "ride the punanni",
    "my bed" => "the sack",
    "big one" => "mr biggy",
    "where do you live" => "where is yous turf",
    "good looking" => "fit",
    "going home" => "going westside",
    "making love" => "riding the punanni",
    "made love" => "boned",
    "west side" => "me turf",
    "a break" => "a chill pill",
    "what time is it" => "keep it real and tell me da time",
    "channel 4" => "telly",
    "laid" => "jiggy",
    "how do you do" => "is you wicked",
    "how are you" => "is you wicked",
    "how's it going" => "is you wicked",
    "give me a ring" => "gimme a shout",
    "i find you" => "i fink you is",
    "Where do I live" => "where is me turf",
    "what plans" => "what's the deal",
    "oral sex" => "drinking from the bearded cup",
    "have fun" => "chill",
    "a pay rise" => "mo mula",
    "are you going out" => "is you goin out to check some bitches",
    "to the pub" => "down the boozer",
    "looking at" => "checkin out",
    "i feel like" => "i fink i will be",
    "he feels like" => "he finks he will be",
    "she feels like" => "she finks she will be",
    "that's not right" => "dat ain't right",
    "slag off" => "dis",
    "slags off" => "disses",
    "slagged off" => "dissed",
    "have a piss" => "do a piss",
    "has a piss" => "does a piss",
    "had a piss" => "did a piss",
    "having a piss" => "doing a piss",
    "slagging off" => "dissing",
    "welcome to" => "hear me now, dis is",
);

sub alig {
    my ($s) = @_;
    while (my ($key, $value) = each %phrases) { $s =~ s/\b$key\b/$value/g }
    while (my ($key, $value) = each %words)   { $s =~ s/\b$key\b/$value/g }
    foreach (split ' ', $s) {
        $s =~ s/ing\b/in/g;
        $s =~ s/th\b/f/g;
        $s =~ s/en\b/un/g;
        $s =~ s/er\b/a/g;
        $s =~ s/or\b/a/g;
        #$s =~ s/^h//;
    }
    if ($s =~ /\?/) {
        $s =~ s/(.*\?)/$1 Is it becoz I is black?/ if int(rand() * 3) == 0;
    } elsif ($s =~ /!/) {
        $s =~ s/(.*)!/$1, boyakasha!/              if int(rand() * 3) == 0;
    }
    return $s;
}

# ABSTRACT: Translates from English to Ali G


1;

__END__

=pod

=head1 NAME

Acme::AliG - Translates from English to Ali G

=head1 VERSION

version 0.0102

=head1 SYNOPSIS

    echo hello | alig

The above command will print 'allo'.

=head1 DESCRIPTION

This module provides a script called alig. It will translate whatever you
feed it via STDIN from English to Ali G.

=head1 AUTHOR

Naveed Massjouni <naveedm9@gmail.com>

=head1 COPYRIGHT AND LICENSE

This software is copyright (c) 2011 by Naveed Massjouni.

This is free software; you can redistribute it and/or modify it under
the same terms as the Perl 5 programming language system itself.

=cut