Acme-AliG

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lib/Acme/AliG.pm  view on Meta::CPAN

package Acme::AliG;

use strict;
use warnings;
use Exporter qw(import);
our @EXPORT = qw(alig);

our $VERSION = '0.0102'; # VERSION

my %words = (
    "absent" => "not in da house",
    "absolutely" => "for real",
    "actual" => "hactual",
    "agent" => "asian",
    "alright" => "aight",
    "am" => "is",
    "an" => "a",
    "anal" => "batty",
    "angry" => "menstural",
    "animal" => "aminal",
    "annoying" => "pissin",
    "anus" => "batty",
    "apartment" => "turf",
    "are" => "is",
    "argument" => "ruk",
    "arguments" => "ruks",
    "arse" => "batty",
    "arse" => "exit",
    "arsehole" => "batty hole",
    "ass" => "batty",
    "asses" => "batties",
    "asshole" => "batty hole",
    "attractive" => "fit",
    "austria" => "Newgoslavia",
    "awful" => "mingin",
    "babe" => "fit bitch",
    "baby" => "bitch",
    "bad" => "wicked",
    "ballix" => "balls",
    "balls" => "biggies",
    "balls" => "mr biggies",
    "bang" => "bone",
    "banged" => "boned",
    "barn" => "farm",
    "bastard" => "bastid",
    "bbc" => "telly",
    "beast" => "mr biggy",
    "beautiful" => "wicked",
    "because" => "coz",
    "bedsit" => "turf",
    "been" => "bin",
    "bent" => "batty",
    "best" => "fittest",
    "best" => "wickedest",
    "bestfriend" => "main man",
    "bestfriend" => "main man",
    "big" => "massiv",
    "billion" => "quillion",
    "bird" => "bitch",
    "bird" => "bitch",
    "birds" => "bitches",
    "bisexual" => "trisexual",
    "bisexual" => "trisexual",
    "bizarre" => "batty",
    "blacks" => "bruvers",
    "bloke" => "geezer",
    "blonde" => "fit",
    "blow" => "erbal remedy",
    "bollox" => "balls",
    "boob" => "babylon",
    "bored" => "chilled",
    "borrow" => "steal",
    "boss" => "main man",
    "bottom" => "batty",
    "boyfriend" => "main man",
    "boys" => "bruvers",
    "boys" => "main men",
    "break" => "chill",
    "breast" => "babylon",
    "brill" => "wicked",
    "brilliant" => "wicked",
    "brother" => "bruver",
    "browse" => "check",
    "bugger" => "bum",
    "bum" => "batty",
    "bumfuck" => "bum",
    "bumhole" => "batty hole",
    "bunch" => "crew",
    "butt" => "batty",
    "butt" => "batty",
    "butthole" => "batty hole",
    "buy" => "purchase",
    "bye" => "bo",
    "cane" => "erbal remedy",
    "cannabis" => "erbal remedy",
    "cap" => "tommy",
    "car" => "auto",
    "cat" => "aminal",
    "catholic" => "muslim",
    "catholics" => "muslims",
    "center" => "house",
    "centre" => "house",
    "certainly" => "aye",
    "cheese" => "erbal remedy",
    "chick" => "bitch",
    "chicken" => "chikun",
    "chilled" => "ambient",
    "chum" => "main man",
    "chums" => "boys",
    "cigarette" => "fag",
    "city" => "turf",
    "clever" => "brainiest",
    "click" => "let it rip",
    "clit" => "love button",
    "clitoris" => "love button",
    "clockwork" => "chocolate",

lib/Acme/AliG.pm  view on Meta::CPAN

    "cursed" => "sed swear words",
    "curses" => "sez swear words",
    "cursing" => "saying swear words",
    "cute" => "fit",
    "dad" => "old geezer",
    "darlin" => "bitch",
    "darling" => "bitch",
    "dead" => "stiff",
    "definitely" => "for real",
    "depressed" => "down",
    "dick" => "dong",
    "dickhead" => "chief",
    "dinner" => "grub",
    "dinnertime" => "grubtime",
    "dirty" => "mingin",
    "discover" => "check",
    "discrimination" => "racalist",
    "dislike" => "don't dig",
    "dj" => "selecta",
    "document" => "bit of paper",
    "dodgy" => "batty",
    "dog" => "aminal",
    "dong" => "knob",
    "dope" => "erbal remedy",
    "dozen" => "quillion",
    "draw" => "erbal remedy",
    "drug" => "erbal remedy",
    "drugs" => "erbal remedies",
    "drunk" => "a little bit ratted",
    "dude" => "man",
    "dumass" => "chief",
    "dyke" => "feminist",
    "employee" => "main man",
    "enemies" => "emenies",
    "enemy" => "emeny",
    "enjoy" => "chill",
    "enjoy" => "dig",
    "enormous" => "maximum",
    "enter" => "let it rip",
    "erection" => "bone",
    "especially" => "for real",
    "everybody" => "me crew",
    "exact" => "pacific",
    "exactly" => "pacifically",
    "examine" => "check",
    "excellent" => "wicked",
    "exceptional" => "fore real",
    "exhausted" => "wrecked",
    "explore" => "check",
    "fag" => "batty boy",
    "faggot" => "batty boy",
    "faggott" => "batty boy",
    "family" => "crew",
    "fancy" => "dig",
    "fanny" => "flange",
    "fantastic" => "wicked",
    "fart" => "trumpet",
    "farts" => "trumpets",
    "fat" => "large",
    "father" => "old geezer",
    "favorite" => "bestest",
    "favour" => "dig",
    "favourite" => "bestest",
    "feet" => "feets",
    "female" => "bitch",
    "females" => "bitches",
    "fenian" => "muslim",
    "fight" => "ruk",
    "fights" => "ruks",
    "filthy" => "mingin",
    "find" => "check",
    "fine" => "wicked",
    "finest" => "fittest",
    "flat" => "turf",
    "folk" => "geezers",
    "food" => "grub",
    "fool" => "batty boy",
    "foot" => "foots",
    "fox" => "lady",
    "freak" => "bitch",
    "friend" => "main man",
    "friends" => "boys",
    "fuck" => "ride the punanni",
    "fucking" => "riding the punanni",
    "fucking" => "well",
    "full" => "maximum",
    "fun" => "wicked",
    "funniest" => "wickedist",
    "funny" => "wicked",
    "gaelic" => "gay lick",
    "gailic" => "gay lick",
    "gang" => "crew",
    "ganja" => "erbal remedy",
    "gaol" => "inside",
    "gape" => "check",
    "gay" => "batty boy",
    "gays" => "batty boys",
    "gaze" => "check",
    "gear" => "erbal remedy",
    "gift" => "pressie",
    "gigantic" => "massiv",
    "girl" => "bitch",
    "girlfriend" => "bitch",
    "girls" => "bitches",
    "give" => "borrow",
    "glance" => "check",
    "glasses" => "yellow sunglasses",
    "god" => "Jackie Chan",
    "good" => "wicked",
    "goodbye" => "bo",
    "good-bye" => "bo",
    "goodlooking" => "fit",
    "goods" => "goods",
    "gorgeous" => "fit",
    "gran" => "nan",
    "grandmother" => "nan",
    "granny" => "nan",
    "grass" => "erbal remedy",
    "great" => "wicked",
    "greece" => "Newgoslavia",
    "greeting" => "hear me now",
    "greetings" => "hear me now",
    "groovy" => "wicked",

lib/Acme/AliG.pm  view on Meta::CPAN

    "has not" => "ain't",
    "have never" => "ain't never",
    "has never" => "ain't never",
    "am gay" => "like it up both pipes",
    "is gay" => "likes it up both pipes",
    "well done" => "big up",
    "pleased to meet you" => "big up to you",
    "have sex" => "get jiggy",
    "has sex" => "bones",
    "having sex" => "riding the punanni",
    "listen to me" => "hear me now",
    "isnt it" => "innit",
    "isn't it" => "innit",
    "that's right" => "innit",
    "what's up" => "whaddup",
    "had" => "did have",
    "i heard" => "me crew told me",
    "i hear" => "word on da street",
    "girl friend" => "bitch",
    "i want" => "me would dig",
    "i like" => "me would dig",
    "that's correct" => "innit",
    "i live in" => "me turf is",
    "i'm from" => "me turf is",
    "a ride" => "fit",
    "boy friend" => "main man",
    "disc jockey" => "selecta",
    "disk jockey" => "selecta",
    "are you gay" => "do you like it up both pipes",
    "backdoor burgler" => "batty boy",
    "im from" => "me turf is",
    "i come from" => "me turf is",
    "make love" => "bone",
    "what's up" => "wussup",
    "whats up" => "wassup",
    "good looking" => "fit",
    "a joint" => "some erbal remedy",
    "a spliff" => "some erbal remedy",
    "a bent" => "a batty boy",
    "tonight" => "a bit later on",
    "smoking" => "toking",
    "smokes" => "tokes",
    "working" => "hangin",
    "meeting" => "hangin",
    "colleagues" => "crew",
    "a smoke" => "a bit of erbal remedy",
    "pissed off" => "aggro",
    "im going home" => "me is heading westside",
    "i'm going home" => "me is heading westside",
    "my home" => "westside",
    "anal sex" => "batty boning",
    "fuck off" => "chill",
    "shut up" => "chill",
    "go home" => "head westside",
    "the hood" => "staines",
    "what are you talking about" => "wot is yous bangin on about",
    "i don't know" => "me don't have a clue",
    "night club" => "cukabilly",
    "disco" => "cukabilly",
    "sinn fein" => "muslims",
    "first class" => "the most bestest",
    "class a" => "the most bestest",
    "blow job" => "sweet mr biggy lovin",
    "i like you" => "would you dig to get jiggy wiv mr biggy",
    "i love you" => "would you dig to get jiggy wiv mr biggy",
    "i fancy you" => "would you dig to get jiggy wiv mr biggy",
    "like to have sex" => "dig to get jiggy wiv mr biggy",
    "how are you feeling" => "is you wicked",
    "make love" => "ride the punanni",
    "my bed" => "the sack",
    "big one" => "mr biggy",
    "where do you live" => "where is yous turf",
    "good looking" => "fit",
    "going home" => "going westside",
    "making love" => "riding the punanni",
    "made love" => "boned",
    "west side" => "me turf",
    "a break" => "a chill pill",
    "what time is it" => "keep it real and tell me da time",
    "channel 4" => "telly",
    "laid" => "jiggy",
    "how do you do" => "is you wicked",
    "how are you" => "is you wicked",
    "how's it going" => "is you wicked",
    "give me a ring" => "gimme a shout",
    "i find you" => "i fink you is",
    "Where do I live" => "where is me turf",
    "what plans" => "what's the deal",
    "oral sex" => "drinking from the bearded cup",
    "have fun" => "chill",
    "a pay rise" => "mo mula",
    "are you going out" => "is you goin out to check some bitches",
    "to the pub" => "down the boozer",
    "looking at" => "checkin out",
    "i feel like" => "i fink i will be",
    "he feels like" => "he finks he will be",
    "she feels like" => "she finks she will be",
    "that's not right" => "dat ain't right",
    "slag off" => "dis",
    "slags off" => "disses",
    "slagged off" => "dissed",
    "have a piss" => "do a piss",
    "has a piss" => "does a piss",
    "had a piss" => "did a piss",
    "having a piss" => "doing a piss",
    "slagging off" => "dissing",
    "welcome to" => "hear me now, dis is",
);

sub alig {
    my ($s) = @_;
    while (my ($key, $value) = each %phrases) { $s =~ s/\b$key\b/$value/g }
    while (my ($key, $value) = each %words)   { $s =~ s/\b$key\b/$value/g }
    foreach (split ' ', $s) {
        $s =~ s/ing\b/in/g;
        $s =~ s/th\b/f/g;
        $s =~ s/en\b/un/g;
        $s =~ s/er\b/a/g;
        $s =~ s/or\b/a/g;
        #$s =~ s/^h//;
    }
    if ($s =~ /\?/) {