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People humiliating a salami!
PIZZA!!
Place me on a BUFFER counter while you BELITTLE several BELLHOPS in the Trianon Room!!  Let me one of your SUBSIDIARIES!
Please come home with me ... I have Tylenol!!
Psychoanalysis??  I thought this was a nude rap session!!!
PUNK ROCK!!  DISCO DUCK!!  BIRTH CONTROL!!
Quick, sing me the BUDAPEST NATIONAL ANTHEM!!
RELATIVES!!
Remember, in 2039, MOUSSE & PASTA will be available ONLY by prescription!! 
RHAPSODY in Glue!
SANTA CLAUS comes down a FIRE ESCAPE wearing bright blue LEG WARMERS ... He scrubs the POPE with a mild soap or detergent for 15 minutes, starring JANE FONDA!!
Send your questions to ``ASK ZIPPY'', Box 40474, San Francisco, CA 94140, USA
SHHHH!!  I hear SIX TATTOOED TRUCK-DRIVERS tossing ENGINE BLOCKS into empty OIL DRUMS ...
Should I do my BOBBIE VINTON medley?
Should I get locked in the PRINCICAL'S OFFICE today -- or have a VASECTOMY??
Should I start with the time I SWITCHED personalities with a BEATNIK hair stylist or my failure to refer five TEENAGERS to a good OCULIST? Sign my PETITION.
So this is what it feels like to be potato salad
So, if we convert SUPPLY-SIDE SOYABEAN FUTURES into HIGH-YIELD T-BILL INDICATORS, the PRE-INFLATIONARY risks will DWINDLE to a rate of 2 SHOPPING SPREES per EGGPLANT!!
Someone in DAYTON, Ohio is selling USED CARPETS to a SERBO-CROATIAN
Sometime in 1993 NANCY SINATRA will lead a BLOODLESS COUP on GUAM!!
Somewhere in DOWNTOWN BURBANK a prostitute is OVERCOOKING a LAMB CHOP!!
Somewhere in suburban Honolulu, an unemployed bellhop is whipping up a batch of illegal psilocybin chop suey!!
Somewhere in Tenafly, New Jersey, a chiropractor is viewing "Leave it
to Beaver"!
Spreading peanut butter reminds me of opera!!  I wonder why?
TAILFINS!! ... click ... Talking Pinhead Blues: Oh, I LOST my ``HELLO KITTY'' DOLL and I get BAD reception on channel TWENTY-SIX!! 
Th'HOSTESS FACTORY is closin' down and I just heard ZASU PITTS has been DEAD for YEARS..  (sniff)
My PLATFORM SHOE collection was CHEWED up by th' dog, ALEXANDER HAIG  won't let me take a SHOWER 'til Easter ... (snurf)
So I went to the kitchen, but WALNUT PANELING whup me upside mah HAID!!  (on no, no, no..  Heh, heh)
TAPPING?  You POLITICIANS!  Don't you realize that the END of the "Wash Cycle" is a TREASURED MOMENT for most people?!
Tex SEX!  The HOME of WHEELS!  The dripping of COFFEE!!  Take me to Minnesota but don't EMBARRASS me!!
Th' MIND is the Pizza Palace of th' SOUL
Thank god!! ... It's HENNY YOUNGMAN!!
The appreciation of the average visual graphisticator alone is worth
the whole suaveness and decadence which abounds!!
The entire CHINESE WOMEN'S VOLLEYBALL TEAM all share ONE personality -- and have since BIRTH!!
The fact that 47 PEOPLE are yelling and sweat is cascading down my SPINAL COLUMN is fairly enjoyable!!
The FALAFEL SANDWICH lands on my HEAD and I become a VEGETARIAN ...
... the HIGHWAY is made out of LIME JELLO and my HONDA is a barbequeued OYSTER!  Yum!
The Korean War must have been fun. ... the MYSTERIANS are in here with my CORDUROY SOAP DISH!!
The Osmonds!  You are all Osmonds!!  Throwing up on a freeway at dawn!!!
The PILLSBURY DOUGHBOY is CRYING for an END to BURT REYNOLDS movies!!
The PINK SOCKS were ORIGINALLY from 1952!!  But they went to MARS around 1953!!
The SAME WAVE keeps coming in and COLLAPSING like a rayon MUU-MUU ...
There is no TRUTH.  There is no REALITY.  There is no CONSISTENCY.
There are no ABSOLUTE STATEMENTS.   I'm very probably wrong.
There's a little picture of ED MCMAHON doing BAD THINGS to JOAN RIVERS in a $200,000 MALIBU BEACH HOUSE!!
There's enough money here to buy 5000 cans of Noodle-Roni! "These are DARK TIMES for all mankind's HIGHEST VALUES!" "These are DARK TIMES for FREEDOM and PROSPERITY!" "These are GREAT TIMES to put your money on BAD GUY to kick the CRAP out of MEGATON...
These PRESERVES should be FORCE-FED to PENTAGON OFFICIALS!!
They collapsed ... like nuns in the street ... they had no teen appeal!
This ASEXUAL PIG really BOILS my BLOOD ... He's so ... so ... URGENT!!
"This is a job for BOB VIOLENCE and SCUM, the INCREDIBLY STUPID MUTANT DOG." -- Bob Violence
This is a NO-FRILLS flight -- hold th' CANADIAN BACON!!
This MUST be a good party -- My RIB CAGE is being painfully pressed up against someone's MARTINI!! ... this must be what it's like to be a COLLEGE GRADUATE!!
This PIZZA symbolizes my COMPLETE EMOTIONAL RECOVERY!!
This PORCUPINE knows his ZIPCODE ... And he has "VISA"!!
This TOPS OFF my partygoing experience!  Someone I DON'T LIKE is talking to me about a HEART-WARMING European film ...
Those aren't WINOS -- that's my JUGGLER, my AERIALIST, my SWORD
SWALLOWER, and my LATEX NOVELTY SUPPLIER!!
Thousands of days of civilians ... have produced a ... feeling for the aesthetic modules --
Today, THREE WINOS from DETROIT sold me a framed photo of TAB HUNTER before his MAKEOVER!
Toes, knees, NIPPLES.  Toes, knees, nipples, KNUCKLES ... Nipples, dimples, knuckles, NICKLES, wrinkles, pimples!! TONY RANDALL!  Is YOUR life a PATIO of FUN??
Uh-oh -- WHY am I suddenly thinking of a VENERABLE religious leader frolicking on a FORT LAUDERDALE weekend?
Uh-oh!!  I forgot to submit to COMPULSORY URINALYSIS!
UH-OH!!  I put on "GREAT HEAD-ON TRAIN COLLISIONS of the 50's" by mistake!!!
UH-OH!!  I think KEN is OVER-DUE on his R.V. PAYMENTS and HE'S having a NERVOUS BREAKDOWN too!!  Ha ha.
Uh-oh!!  I'm having TOO MUCH FUN!!
UH-OH!!  We're out of AUTOMOBILE PARTS and RUBBER GOODS!
Used staples are good with SOY SAUCE!
VICARIOUSLY experience some reason to LIVE!!
Vote for ME -- I'm well-tapered, half-cocked, ill-conceived and TAX-DEFERRED!
Wait ... is this a FUN THING or the END of LIFE in Petticoat Junction??
Was my SOY LOAF left out in th'RAIN?  It tastes REAL GOOD!!
We are now enjoying total mutual interaction in an imaginary hot tub ...
We have DIFFERENT amounts of HAIR --
We just joined the civil hair patrol!
We place two copies of PEOPLE magazine in a DARK, HUMID mobile home. 45 minutes later CYNDI LAUPER emerges wearing a BIRD CAGE on her head!
Well, here I am in AMERICA..  I LIKE it.  I HATE it.  I LIKE it.  I
HATE it.  I LIKE it.  I HATE it.  I LIKE it.  I HATE it.  I LIKE ... EMOTIONS are SWEEPING over me!!
Well, I'm a classic ANAL RETENTIVE!!  And I'm looking for a way to VICARIOUSLY experience some reason to LIVE!!
Well, I'm INVISIBLE AGAIN ... I might as well pay a visit to the LADIES  ROOM ...
Well, O.K.  I'll compromise with my principles because of EXISTENTIAL DESPAIR!
Were these parsnips CORRECTLY MARINATED in TACO SAUCE?
What a COINCIDENCE!  I'm an authorized "SNOOTS OF THE STARS" dealer!!
What GOOD is a CARDBOARD suitcase ANYWAY?
What I need is a MATURE RELATIONSHIP with a FLOPPY DISK ...
What I want to find out is -- do parrots know much about Astro-Turf?
What PROGRAM are they watching?
What UNIVERSE is this, please??
What's the MATTER Sid? ... Is your BEVERAGE unsatisfactory?
When I met th'POPE back in '58, I scrubbed him with a MILD SOAP or DETERGENT for 15 minutes.  He seemed to enjoy it ...
When this load is DONE I think I'll wash it AGAIN ...
When you get your PH.D. will you get able to work at BURGER KING?
When you said "HEAVILY FORESTED" it reminded me of an overdue CLEANING
BILL ... Don't you SEE?  O'Grogan SWALLOWED a VALUABLE COIN COLLECTION and HAD to murder the ONLY MAN who KNEW!!
Where do your SOCKS go when you lose them in th' WASHER?
Where does it go when you flush?
Where's SANDY DUNCAN?
Where's th' DAFFY DUCK EXHIBIT??
Where's the Coke machine?  Tell me a joke!!
While my BRAINPAN is being refused service in BURGER KING, Jesuit priests are DATING CAREER DIPLOMATS!!
While you're chewing, think of STEVEN SPIELBERG'S bank account ...  his will have the same effect as two "STARCH BLOCKERS"!
WHO sees a BEACH BUNNY sobbing on a SHAG RUG?!
WHOA!!  Ken and Barbie are having TOO MUCH FUN!!  It must be the NEGATIVE IONS!!
Why are these athletic shoe salesmen following me??
Why don't you ever enter any CONTESTS, Marvin??  Don't you know your own ZIPCODE?
Why is everything made of Lycra Spandex?
Why is it that when you DIE, you can't take your HOME ENTERTAINMENT CENTER with you??
Will it improve my CASH FLOW?
Will the third world war keep "Bosom Buddies" off the air?
Will this never-ending series of PLEASURABLE EVENTS never cease?
With YOU, I can be MYSELF ...  We don't NEED Dan Rather ...
World War III?  No thanks!
World War Three can be averted by adherence to a strictly enforced dress code!
Wow!  Look!!  A stray meatball!!  Let's interview it!
Xerox your lunch and file it under "sex offenders"!
Yes, but will I see the EASTER BUNNY in skintight leather at an IRON MAIDEN concert?
You can't hurt me!!  I have an ASSUMABLE MORTGAGE!!
You mean now I can SHOOT YOU in the back and further BLUR th' distinction between FANTASY and REALITY?
You mean you don't want to watch WRESTLING from ATLANTA?
YOU PICKED KARL MALDEN'S NOSE!!