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Amethyst/Brain/Infobot/Module/Zippy.pm  view on Meta::CPAN

package Amethyst::Brain::Infobot::Module::Zippy;

use strict;
use vars qw(@ISA);
use Amethyst::Message;
use Amethyst::Brain::Infobot;
use Amethyst::Brain::Infobot::Module;

@ISA = qw(Amethyst::Brain::Infobot::Module);

sub new {
	my $class = shift;
	my $self = $class->SUPER::new(
					Name		=> 'Zippy',
					Regex		=> qr/^(be zippy|yow)$/i,
					Usage		=> 'be zippy|yow',
					Description	=> "gives you a random quote from " .
									"Zippy the Pinhead",
					@_
						);

	return bless $self, $class;
}

sub action {
    my ($self, $message) = @_;

	my $reply = $self->reply_to($message, $self->yow());
	$reply->send;

	return 1;
}

sub yow { 
	my $self = shift;

	unless ($self->{yows}) {
		while (<DATA>) {
			chomp;
			push @{$self->{yows}}, $_; 
		}
	}

	my $y = $self->{yows}->[rand(@{$self->{yows}})];

	return $y;
}

1;

__DATA__
A can of ASPARAGUS, 73 pigeons, some LIVE ammo, and a FROZEN DAQUIRI!!
A dwarf is passing out somewhere in Detroit!
A shapely CATHOLIC SCHOOLGIRL is FIDGETING inside my costume..
A wide-eyed, innocent UNICORN, poised delicately in a MEADOW filled with LILACS, LOLLIPOPS & small CHILDREN at the HUSH of twilight??
Actually, what I'd like is a little toy spaceship!!
All I can think of is a platter of organic PRUNE CRISPS being trampled by an army of swarthy, Italian LOUNGE SINGERS ...
All of a sudden, I want to THROW OVER my promising ACTING CAREER, grow a LONG BLACK BEARD and wear a BASEBALL HAT!! ...  Although I don't know WHY!!
All of life is a blur of Republicans and meat!
All right, you degenerates!  I want this place evacuated in 20 seconds!
All this time I've been VIEWING a RUSSIAN MIDGET SODOMIZE a HOUSECAT!
Alright, you!!  Imitate a WOUNDED SEAL pleading for a PARKING SPACE!!
Am I accompanied by a PARENT or GUARDIAN?
Am I elected yet?
Am I in GRADUATE SCHOOL yet?
Am I SHOPLIFTING?
America!!  I saw it all!!  Vomiting!  Waving!  JERRY FALWELLING into your void tube of UHF oblivion!!  SAFEWAY of the mind ...
An air of FRENCH FRIES permeates my nostrils!!
An INK-LING?  Sure -- TAKE one!!  Did you BUY any COMMUNIST UNIFORMS??
An Italian is COMBING his hair in suburban DES MOINES!
And furthermore, my bowling average is unimpeachable!!!
ANN JILLIAN'S HAIR makes LONI ANDERSON'S HAIR look like RICARDO MONTALBAN'S HAIR!
Are the STEWED PRUNES still in the HAIR DRYER?
Are we live or on tape?
Are we on STRIKE yet?
Are we THERE yet?
Are we THERE yet?  My MIND is a SUBMARINE!!
Are you mentally here at Pizza Hut??
Are you selling NYLON OIL WELLS??  If so, we can use TWO DOZEN!!
Are you still an ALCOHOLIC?
As President I have to go vacuum my coin collection!
Awright, which one of you hid my PENIS ENVY?