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A can of ASPARAGUS, 73 pigeons, some LIVE ammo, and a FROZEN DAQUIRI!!
A dwarf is passing out somewhere in Detroit!
A shapely CATHOLIC SCHOOLGIRL is FIDGETING inside my costume..
A wide-eyed, innocent UNICORN, poised delicately in a MEADOW filled with LILACS, LOLLIPOPS & small CHILDREN at the HUSH of twilight??
Actually, what I'd like is a little toy spaceship!!
All I can think of is a platter of organic PRUNE CRISPS being trampled by an army of swarthy, Italian LOUNGE SINGERS ...
All of a sudden, I want to THROW OVER my promising ACTING CAREER, grow a LONG BLACK BEARD and wear a BASEBALL HAT!! ...  Although I don't know WHY!!
All of life is a blur of Republicans and meat!
All right, you degenerates!  I want this place evacuated in 20 seconds!
All this time I've been VIEWING a RUSSIAN MIDGET SODOMIZE a HOUSECAT!
Alright, you!!  Imitate a WOUNDED SEAL pleading for a PARKING SPACE!!
Am I accompanied by a PARENT or GUARDIAN?
Am I elected yet?
Am I in GRADUATE SCHOOL yet?
Am I SHOPLIFTING?
America!!  I saw it all!!  Vomiting!  Waving!  JERRY FALWELLING into your void tube of UHF oblivion!!  SAFEWAY of the mind ...
An air of FRENCH FRIES permeates my nostrils!!
An INK-LING?  Sure -- TAKE one!!  Did you BUY any COMMUNIST UNIFORMS??
An Italian is COMBING his hair in suburban DES MOINES!
And furthermore, my bowling average is unimpeachable!!!
ANN JILLIAN'S HAIR makes LONI ANDERSON'S HAIR look like RICARDO MONTALBAN'S HAIR!
Are the STEWED PRUNES still in the HAIR DRYER?
Are we live or on tape?
Are we on STRIKE yet?
Are we THERE yet?
Are we THERE yet?  My MIND is a SUBMARINE!!
Are you mentally here at Pizza Hut??
Are you selling NYLON OIL WELLS??  If so, we can use TWO DOZEN!!
Are you still an ALCOHOLIC?
As President I have to go vacuum my coin collection!
Awright, which one of you hid my PENIS ENVY?
BARBARA STANWYCK makes me nervous!!
Barbie says, Take quaaludes in gin and go to a disco right away!
But Ken says, WOO-WOO!!  No credit at "Mr. Liquor"!!
BARRY ... That was the most HEART-WARMING rendition of "I DID IT MY WAY" I've ever heard!!
Being a BALD HERO is almost as FESTIVE as a TATTOOED KNOCKWURST.
BELA LUGOSI is my co-pilot ...
BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI- ... bleakness ... desolation ... plastic forks ...
Bo Derek ruined my life!
Boy, am I glad it's only 1971...
Boys, you have ALL been selected to LEAVE th' PLANET in 15 minutes!!
But they went to MARS around 1953!!
But was he mature enough last night at the lesbian masquerade?
Can I have an IMPULSE ITEM instead?
Can you MAIL a BEAN CAKE?
Catsup and Mustard all over the place!  It's the Human Hamburger!
CHUBBY CHECKER just had a CHICKEN SANDWICH in downtown DULUTH!
Civilization is fun!  Anyway, it keeps me busy!!
Clear the laundromat!!  This whirl-o-matic just had a nuclear meltdown!!
Concentrate on th'cute, li'l CARTOON GUYS!  Remember the SERIAL NUMBERS!!  Follow the WHIPPLE AVE. EXIT!!  Have a FREE PEPSI!!  Turn LEFT at th'HOLIDAY INN!!  JOIN the CREDIT WORLD!!  MAKE me an OFFER!!!
CONGRATULATIONS!  Now should I make thinly veiled comments about DIGNITY, self-esteem and finding TRUE FUN in your RIGHT VENTRICLE??
Content:  80% POLYESTER, 20% DACRONi ... The waitress's UNIFORM sheds TARTAR SAUCE like an 8" by 10" GLOSSY ...
Could I have a drug overdose?
Did an Italian CRANE OPERATOR just experience uninhibited sensations in a MALIBU HOT TUB?
Did I do an INCORRECT THING??
Did I say I was a sardine?  Or a bus???
Did I SELL OUT yet??
Did YOU find a DIGITAL WATCH in YOUR box of VELVEETA?
Did you move a lot of KOREAN STEAK KNIVES this trip, Dingy?
DIDI ... is that a MARTIAN name, or, are we in ISRAEL?
Didn't I buy a 1951 Packard from you last March in Cairo?
Disco oil bussing will create a throbbing naugahide pipeline running straight to the tropics from the rug producing regions and devalue the dollar!
Do I have a lifestyle yet?
Do you guys know we just passed thru a BLACK HOLE in space?
Do you have exactly what I want in a plaid poindexter bar bat??
Do you like "TENDER VITTLES"?
Do you think the "Monkees" should get gas on odd or even days?
Does someone from PEORIA have a SHORTER ATTENTION span than me? does your DRESSING ROOM have enough ASPARAGUS?
DON'T go!!  I'm not HOWARD COSELL!!  I know POLISH JOKES ... WAIT!!
Don't go!!  I AM Howard Cosell! ... And I DON'T know Polish jokes!!
Don't hit me!!  I'm in the Twilight Zone!!!
Don't SANFORIZE me!!
Don't worry, nobody really LISTENS to lectures in MOSCOW, either! ... FRENCH, HISTORY, ADVANCED CALCULUS, COMPUTER PROGRAMMING, BLACK STUDIES, SOCIOBIOLOGY! ...  Are there any QUESTIONS??
Edwin Meese made me wear CORDOVANS!!
Eisenhower!!  Your mimeograph machine upsets my stomach!!
Either CONFESS now or we go to "PEOPLE'S COURT"!!
Everybody gets free BORSCHT!
Everybody is going somewhere!!  It's probably a garage sale or a disaster Movie!!
Everywhere I look I see NEGATIVITY and ASPHALT ...
Excuse me, but didn't I tell you there's NO HOPE for the survival of OFFSET PRINTING? FEELINGS are cascading over me!!!
Finally, Zippy drives his 1958 RAMBLER METROPOLITAN into the faculty dining room.
First, I'm going to give you all the ANSWERS to today's test ...  So just plug in your SONY WALKMANS and relax!!
FOOLED you!  Absorb EGO SHATTERING impulse rays, polyester poltroon!! for ARTIFICIAL FLAVORING!!
Four thousand different MAGNATES, MOGULS & NABOBS are romping in my gothic solarium!!
FROZEN ENTREES may be flung by members of opposing SWANSON SECTS ... 
FUN is never having to say you're SUSHI!!
Gee, I feel kind of LIGHT in the head now, knowing I can't make my satellite dish PAYMENTS!
Gibble, Gobble, we ACCEPT YOU ...
Give them RADAR-GUIDED SKEE-BALL LANES and VELVEETA BURRITOS!!
Go on, EMOTE!  I was RAISED on thought balloons!!
GOOD-NIGHT, everybody ... Now I have to go administer FIRST-AID to my pet LEISURE SUIT!!
HAIR TONICS, please!!
Half a mind is a terrible thing to waste!
Hand me a pair of leather pants and a CASIO keyboard -- I'm living for today!
Has everybody got HALVAH spread all over their ANKLES?? ...  Now, it's time to "HAVE A NAGEELA"!! ... he dominates the DECADENT SUBWAY SCENE.
He is the MELBA-BEING ... the ANGEL CAKE ... XEROX him ... XEROX him -- He probably just wants to take over my CELLS and then EXPLODE inside me like a BARREL of runny CHOPPED LIVER!  Or maybe he'd like to PSYCHOLIGICALLY TERRORISE ME until I have no ...
HELLO KITTY gang terrorizes town, family STICKERED to death!
HELLO, everybody, I'm a HUMAN!!
Hello, GORRY-O!!  I'm a GENIUS from HARVARD!!
Hello.  I know the divorce rate among unmarried Catholic Alaskan females!!
Hello.  Just walk along and try NOT to think about your INTESTINES being almost FORTY YARDS LONG!!
Hello...  IRON CURTAIN?  Send over a SAUSAGE PIZZA!  World War III?  No thanks!
Hello?  Enema Bondage?  I'm calling because I want to be happy, I guess ...
Here I am at the flea market but nobody is buying my urine sample bottles ...
Here I am in 53 B.C. and all I want is a dill pickle!!
Here I am in the POSTERIOR OLFACTORY LOBULE but I don't see CARL SAGAN anywhere!!
Here we are in America ... when do we collect unemployment?
Hey, wait a minute!!  I want a divorce!! ... you're not Clint Eastwood!!
Hey, waiter!  I want a NEW SHIRT and a PONY TAIL with lemon sauce!
Hiccuping & trembling into the WASTE DUMPS of New Jersey like some drunken CABBAGE PATCH DOLL, coughing in line at FIORUCCI'S!!
Hmmm ... a CRIPPLED ACCOUNTANT with a FALAFEL sandwich is HIT by a TROLLEY-CAR ...
Hmmm ... A hash-singer and a cross-eyed guy were SLEEPING on a deserted island, when ...
Hmmm ... a PINHEAD, during an EARTHQUAKE, encounters an ALL-MIDGET FIDDLE ORCHESTRA ... ha ... ha ...
Hmmm ... an arrogant bouquet with a subtle suggestion of POLYVINYL CHLORIDE ...
Hold the MAYO & pass the COSMIC AWARENESS ...
HOORAY, Ronald!!  Now YOU can marry LINDA RONSTADT too!!
How do I get HOME?
How do you explain Wayne Newton's POWER over millions?  It's th' MOUSTACHE ...  Have you ever noticed th' way it radiates SINCERITY, HONESTY & WARMTH?
It's a MOUSTACHE you want to take HOME and introduce to NANCY SINATRA!
How many retured bricklayers from FLORIDA are out purchasing PENCIL
SHARPENERS right NOW??
How's it going in those MODULAR LOVE UNITS??
How's the wife?  Is she at home enjoying capitalism?
hubub, hubub, HUBUB, hubub, hubub, hubub, HUBUB, hubub, hubub, hubub.
HUGH BEAUMONT died in 1982!!
HUMAN REPLICAS are inserted into VATS of NUTRITIONAL YEAST ...
I always have fun because I'm out of my mind!!!
I am a jelly donut.  I am a jelly donut.
I am a traffic light, and Alan Ginzberg kidnapped my laundry in 1927!
I am covered with pure vegetable oil and I am writing a best seller!
I am deeply CONCERNED and I want something GOOD for BREAKFAST!
I am having FUN...  I wonder if it's NET FUN or GROSS FUN?
I am NOT a nut....
I appoint you ambassador to Fantasy Island!!!
I brought my BOWLING BALL -- and some DRUGS!!
I can't decide which WRONG TURN to make first!!  I wonder if BOB GUCCIONE has these problems!
I can't think about that.  It doesn't go with HEDGES in the shape of LITTLE LULU -- or ROBOTS making BRICKS ...
I demand IMPUNITY!
I didn't order any WOO-WOO ... Maybe a YUBBA ... But no WOO-WOO!
I don't believe there really IS a GAS SHORTAGE.. I think it's all just a BIG HOAX on the part of the plastic sign salesmen -- to sell more numbers!!
... I don't know why but, suddenly, I want to discuss declining I.Q. LEVELS with a blue ribbon SENATE SUB-COMMITTEE!
I don't know WHY I said that ... I think it came from the FILLINGS in my read molars ...
... I don't like FRANK SINATRA or his CHILDREN. I don't understand the HUMOUR of the THREE STOOGES!!
I feel ... JUGULAR ...
I feel better about world problems now!
I feel like a wet parking meter on Darvon!

Amethyst/Brain/Infobot/Module/Zippy.pm  view on Meta::CPAN

I'm receiving a coded message from EUBIE BLAKE!!
I'm RELIGIOUS!!  I love a man with a HAIRPIECE!!  Equip me with MISSILES!!
I'm reporting for duty as a modern person.  I want to do the Latin Hustle now!
I'm shaving!!  I'M SHAVING!!
I'm sitting on my SPEED QUEEN ... To me, it's ENJOYABLE ... I'm WARM ... I'm VIBRATORY ...
I'm thinking about DIGITAL READ-OUT systems and computer-generated IMAGE FORMATIONS ...
I'm totally DESPONDENT over the LIBYAN situation and the price of CHICKEN ...
I'm using my X-RAY VISION to obtain a rare glimpse of the INNER WORKINGS of this POTATO!!
I'm wearing PAMPERS!!
I'm wet!  I'm wild!
I'm young ... I'm HEALTHY ... I can HIKE THRU CAPT GROGAN'S LUMBAR REGIONS!
I'm ZIPPY the PINHEAD and I'm totally committed to the festive mode.
I've got a COUSIN who works in the GARMENT DISTRICT ...
I've got an IDEA!!  Why don't I STARE at you so HARD, you forget your SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER!!
I've read SEVEN MILLION books!! ... ich bin in einem dusenjet ins jahr 53 vor chr ... ich lande im antiken Rom ...  einige gladiatoren spielen scrabble ... ich rieche PIZZA ...
If a person is FAMOUS in this country, they have to go on the ROAD for MONTHS at a time and have their name misspelled on the SIDE of a GREYHOUND SCENICRUISER!!
If elected, Zippy pledges to each and every American a 55-year-old houseboy ...
If I am elected no one will ever have to do their laundry again!
If I am elected, the concrete barriers around the WHITE HOUSE will be replaced by tasteful foam replicas of ANN MARGARET!
If I felt any more SOPHISTICATED I would DIE of EMBARRASSMENT!
If I had a Q-TIP, I could prevent th' collapse of NEGOTIATIONS!! ... If I had heart failure right now, I couldn't be a more fortunate man!!
If I pull this SWITCH I'll be RITA HAYWORTH!!  Or a SCIENTOLOGIST!
if it GLISTENS, gobble it!!
If our behavior is strict, we do not need fun!
If Robert Di Niro assassinates Walter Slezak, will Jodie Foster marry Bonzo??
In 1962, you could buy a pair of SHARKSKIN SLACKS, with a "Continental Belt," for $10.99!!
In Newark the laundromats are open 24 hours a day! 
INSIDE, I have the same personality disorder as LUCY RICARDO!!
Inside, I'm already SOBBING!
Is a tattoo real, like a curb or a battleship?  Or are we suffering in Safeway?
Is he the MAGIC INCA carrying a FROG on his shoulders??  Is the FROG his GUIDELIGHT??  It is curious that a DOG runs already on the ESCALATOR ...
Is it 1974?  What's for SUPPER?  Can I spend my COLLEGE FUND in one wild afternoon??
Is it clean in other dimensions?
Is it NOUVELLE CUISINE when 3 olives are struggling with a scallop in a plate of SAUCE MORNAY?
Is something VIOLENT going to happen to a GARBAGE CAN?
Is this an out-take from the "BRADY BUNCH"?
Is this going to involve RAW human ecstasy?
Is this TERMINAL fun?
Is this the line for the latest whimsical YUGOSLAVIAN drama which also makes you want to CRY and reconsider the VIETNAM WAR?
Isn't this my STOP?!
It don't mean a THING if you ain't got that SWING!!
It was a JOKE!!  Get it??  I was receiving messages from DAVID LETTERMAN!!
YOW!!
It's a lot of fun being alive ... I wonder if my bed is made?!?
It's NO USE ... I've gone to "CLUB MED"!!
It's OBVIOUS ... The FURS never reached ISTANBUL ... You were an EXTRA in the REMAKE of "TOPKAPI" ... Go home to your WIFE ... She's making FRENCH TOAST!
It's OKAY -- I'm an INTELLECTUAL, too.
It's the RINSE CYCLE!!  They've ALL IGNORED the RINSE CYCLE!!
JAPAN is a WONDERFUL planet -- I wonder if we'll ever reach their level of COMPARATIVE SHOPPING ...
Jesuit priests are DATING CAREER DIPLOMATS!!
Jesus is my POSTMASTER GENERAL ...
Kids, don't gross me off ... "Adventures with MENTAL HYGIENE" can be carried too FAR!
Kids, the seven basic food groups are GUM, PUFF PASTRY, PIZZA, PESTICIDES, ANTIBIOTICS, NUTRA-SWEET and MILK DUDS!! 
Laundry is the fifth dimension!!  ... um ... um ... th' washing machine is a black hole and the pink socks are bus drivers who just fell in!!
LBJ, LBJ, how many JOKES did you tell today??!
Leona, I want to CONFESS things to you ... I want to WRAP you in a SCARLET ROBE trimmed with POLYVINYL CHLORIDE ... I want to EMPTY your ASHTRAYS ...
Let me do my TRIBUTE to FISHNET STOCKINGS ...
Let's all show human CONCERN for REVERAND MOON's legal difficulties!!
Let's send the Russians defective lifestyle accessories!
Life is a POPULARITY CONTEST!  I'm REFRESHINGLY CANDID!!
Like I always say -- nothing can beat the BRATWURST here in DUSSELDORF!!
Loni Anderson's hair should be LEGALIZED!!
Look DEEP into the OPENINGS!!  Do you see any ELVES or EDSELS ... or a HIGHBALL?? ...
Look into my eyes and try to forget that you have a Macy's charge card!
Look!  A ladder!  Maybe it leads to heaven, or a sandwich!
LOOK!!  Sullen American teens wearing MADRAS shorts and "Flock of Seagulls" HAIRCUTS!
Make me look like LINDA RONSTADT again!!
Mary Tyler Moore's SEVENTH HUSBAND is wearing my DACRON TANK TOP in a cheap hotel in HONOLULU!
Maybe we could paint GOLDIE HAWN a rich PRUSSIAN BLUE --
MERYL STREEP is my obstetrician!
MMM-MM!!  So THIS is BIO-NEBULATION! 
Mmmmmm-MMMMMM!!  A plate of STEAMING PIECES of a PIG mixed with the shreds of SEVERAL CHICKENS!! ... Oh BOY!!  I'm about to swallow a TORN-OFF section of a COW'S LEFT LEG soaked in COTTONSEED OIL and SUGAR!! ... Let's see ... Next, I'll have the GROU...
Mr and Mrs PED, can I borrow 26.7% of the RAYON TEXTILE production of the INDONESIAN archipelago?
My Aunt MAUREEN was a military advisor to IKE & TINA TURNER!!
My BIOLOGICAL ALARM CLOCK just went off ... It has noiseless DOZE FUNCTION and full kitchen!!
My CODE of ETHICS is vacationing at famed SCHROON LAKE in upstate New York!!
My EARS are GONE!!
My face is new, my license is expired, and I'm under a doctor's care!!!!
My haircut is totally traditional!
MY income is ALL disposable!
My LESLIE GORE record is BROKEN ...
My life is a patio of fun!
My mind is a potato field ...
My mind is making ashtrays in Dayton ...
My nose feels like a bad Ronald Reagan movie ...
My NOSE is NUMB! 
... My pants just went on a wild rampage through a Long Island Bowling Alley!!
My pants just went to high school in the Carlsbad Caverns!!!
My polyvinyl cowboy wallet was made in Hong Kong by Montgomery Clift!
My uncle Murray conquered Egypt in 53 B.C.  And I can prove it too!!
My vaseline is RUNNING...
NANCY!!  Why is everything RED?!
NATHAN ... your PARENTS were in a CARCRASH!!  They're VOIDED -- They COLLAPSED They had no CHAINSAWS ... They had no MONEY MACHINES ... They did PILLS in SKIMPY GRASS SKIRTS ... Nathan, I EMULATED them ... but they were OFF-KEY ...
NEWARK has been REZONED!!  DES MOINES has been REZONED!!
Nipples, dimples, knuckles, NICKLES, wrinkles, pimples!!
Not SENSUOUS ... only "FROLICSOME" ... and in need of DENTAL WORK ... in PAIN!!!
Now I am depressed ...
Now I think I just reached the state of HYPERTENSION that comes JUST BEFORE you see the TOTAL at the SAFEWAY CHECKOUT COUNTER!
Now I understand the meaning of "THE MOD SQUAD"!
Now I'm being INVOLUNTARILY shuffled closer to the CLAM DIP with the BROKEN PLASTIC FORKS in it!!
Now I'm concentrating on a specific tank battle toward the end of World War II!
Now I'm having INSIPID THOUGHTS about the beatiful, round wives of HOLLYWOOD MOVIE MOGULS encased in PLEXIGLASS CARS and being approached by SMALL BOYS selling FRUIT ...
Now KEN and BARBIE are PERMANENTLY ADDICTED to MIND-ALTERING DRUGS ...
Now my EMOTIONAL RESOURCES are heavily committed to 23% of the SMELTING and REFINING industry of the state of NEVADA!! 
Now that I have my "APPLE", I comprehend COST ACCOUNTING!! 
Now, let's SEND OUT for QUICHE!!
Of course, you UNDERSTAND about the PLAIDS in the SPIN CYCLE --
Oh my GOD -- the SUN just fell into YANKEE STADIUM!!
Oh, I get it!!  "The BEACH goes on", huh, SONNY??
Okay ... I'm going home to write the "I HATE RUBIK's CUBE HANDBOOK FOR DEAD CAT LOVERS" ...
OKAY!!  Turn on the sound ONLY for TRYNEL CARPETING, FULLY-EQUIPPED R.V.'S and FLOATATION SYSTEMS!!
OMNIVERSAL AWARENESS??  Oh, YEH!!  First you need four GALLONS of JELL-O and a BIG WRENCH!! ... I think you drop th'WRENCH in the JELL-O as if it was a FLAVOR, or an INGREDIENT ... ... or ... I ... um ... WHERE'S the WASHING MACHINES?
On SECOND thought, maybe I'll heat up some BAKED BEANS and watch REGIS PHILBIN ...  It's GREAT to be ALIVE!!
On the other hand, life can be an endless parade of TRANSSEXUAL
QUILTING BEES aboard a cruise ship to DISNEYWORLD if only we let it!!
On the road, ZIPPY is a pinhead without a purpose, but never without a POINT.
Once upon a time, four AMPHIBIOUS HOG CALLERS attacked a family of DEFENSELESS, SENSITIVE COIN COLLECTORS and brought DOWN their PROPERTY VALUES!!
Once, there was NO fun ... This was before MENU planning, FASHION statements or NAUTILUS equipment ... Then, in 1985 ... FUN was completely encoded in this tiny MICROCHIP ... It contain 14,768 vaguely amusing SIT-COM pilots!!  We had to wait FOUR BIL...
One FISHWICH coming up!!
ONE LIFE TO LIVE for ALL MY CHILDREN in ANOTHER WORLD all THE DAYS OF OUR LIVES.
ONE: I will donate my entire "BABY HUEY" comic book collection to the downtown PLASMA CENTER ... TWO: I won't START a BAND called "KHADAFY & THE HIT SQUAD" ... THREE: I won't ever TUMBLE DRY my FOX TERRIER again!!