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Amethyst/Brain/Infobot/Module/Excuse.pm  view on Meta::CPAN

Its the InterNIC's fault.
Root name servers corrupted.
Budget cuts forced us to sell all the power cords for the servers.
Someone hooked the twisted pair wires into the answering machine.
Operators killed by year 2000 bug bite.
We've picked COBOL as the language of choice.
Operators killed when huge stack of backup tapes fell over.
Robotic tape changer mistook operator's tie for a backup tape.
Someone was smoking in the computer room and set off the halon systems.
Your processor has taken a ride to Heaven's Gate on the UFO behind Hale-Bopp's comet.
t's an ID-10-T error
Dyslexics retyping hosts file on servers
The Internet is being scanned for viruses.
Your computer's union contract is set to expire at midnight.
Bad user karma.
/dev/clue was linked to /dev/null
Increased sunspot activity.
We already sent around a notice about that.
It's union rules. There's nothing we can do about it. Sorry.
Interferance from the Van Allen Belt.
Jupiter is aligned with Mars.
Redundant ACLs. 
Mail server hit by UniSpammer.
T-1's congested due to porn traffic to the news server.
Data for intranet got routed through the extranet and landed on the internet.
We are a 100% Microsoft Shop.
We are Microsoft.  What you are experiencing is not a problem; it is an undocumented feature.
Sales staff sold a product we don't offer.
Secretary sent chain letter to all 5000 employees.
Sysadmin didn't hear pager go off due to loud music from bar-room speakers.
Sysadmin accidentally destroyed pager with a large hammer.
Sysadmins unavailable because they are in a meeting talking about why they are unavailable so much.
Bad cafeteria food landed all the sysadmins in the hospital.
Route flapping at the NAP.
Computers under water due to SYN flooding.
The vulcan-death-grip ping has been applied.
Electrical conduits in machine room are melting.
Traffic jam on the Information Superhighway.
Radial Telemetry Infiltration
Cow-tippers tipped a cow onto the server.
tachyon emissions overloading the system
Maintence window broken
We're out of slots on the server
Computer room being moved.  Our systems are down for the weekend.
Sysadmins busy fighting SPAM.
Repeated reboots of the system failed to solve problem
Feature was not beta tested
Domain controler not responding
Someone else stole your IP address, call the Internet detectives!
It's not RFC-822 compliant.
operation failed because: there is no message for this error (#1014)
stop bit received
internet is needed to catch the etherbunny
network down, IP packets delivered via UPS
Firmware update in the coffee machine
Temporal anomaly
Mouse has out-of-cheese-error
Borg implants are failing
Borg nanites have infested the server
error: one bad user found in front of screen
Please state the nature of the technical emergency
Internet shut down due to maintainance
Daemon escaped from pentagram
crop circles in the corn shell
sticky bit has come loose
Hot Java has gone cold
Cache miss - please take better aim next time
Hash table has woodworm
Trojan horse ran out of hay
Zombie processess detected, machine is haunted.
overflow error in /dev/null
Browser's cookie is corrupted -- someone's been nibbling on it.
Mailer-daemon is busy burning your message in hell.
According to Microsoft, it's by design
vi needs to be upgraded to vii
greenpeace free'd the mallocs
Terorists crashed an airplane into the server room, have to remove /bin/laden. (rm -rf /bin/laden)
astropneumatic oscillations in the water-cooling