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Jack Bauer once killed a room full of people because nobody blessed him when he sneezed.
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Hardee's is considering renaming their Monster Thickburger - "The Jack Bauer Burger" - because with its 1,420 calories, 107 grams of fat, 229 milligrams of cholesterol, and 2,651 milligrams of sodium - it could kill you.
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Jack Bauer is the only man who doesn't suffer from shrinkage.
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Jack Bauer can save any man, except Edgar Styles. May his soul Rest in Peace.
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If you are not wearing underwear at this moment, then you are "going Jack Bauer".
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Jack Bauer's vehicle has no less than 5 high-bandwidth military satellites following it at any time.  This enables him to stay updated on events at CTU in full-motion video.  Unfortunately, there were no more satellites available to keep track of Kim...
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Jack Bauer is the thing that goes "bump" in the night.
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Jack Bauer doesn't get older. He gets less young.
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Jack Bauer is directly responsible for the peaceful resolution of the Cuban Missile Crisis.
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If Jack had been in Vietnam there would have been no need for napalm.
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Knives merely bend when they come into contact with Jack Bauer's skin, unless he allows himself to be stabbed, in order to do even more badass shit.