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fortune/jackbauer  view on Meta::CPAN

Jack Bauer takes cyanide pills to cure hangovers.
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Dave Chappelle shot a 24 parody for Season 3 of his show. Jack Bauer found out. Dave Chappelle ran away to South Africa.  
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Hammertime was actually derived from Bauertime. No one can touch Jack Bauer.
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You wouldn't think Jack Bauer could shove this towel down your throat, but he can.
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Jack Bauer wants to know, "Who are all of these fucking camera men!?" 
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Jack Bauer is not required to wash his hands before returning to work.  Germs cannot survive in Jack Bauer's hands. 
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Micheal Jackson's face is was not the work of plastic surgeons. It was Jack Bauer.
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Jack Bauer did not invent the term "bad ass."  He just tortured the guy who did till he gave him the copyright.
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Jack Bauer successfully went over Niagara Falls without a barrel.
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By special request, Trojan condoms now come in more sizes: regular, large, extra large, and Jack Bauer.
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Jack Bauer doesn't believe in testing cosmetics on animals, he prefers terrorists.

fortune/jackbauer  view on Meta::CPAN

In the shadows, a team of CIA specialists follow Jack Bauer at all times, ready to collect his tears for chemical warfare production.
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In Season 5 episode 5. When Jack Bauer was attacked by the assassin, he didn't crack Jack Bauer's rib. Jack Bauer's rib cracked the assassin's fist.
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Jack Bauer never parks in handicap parking spots. He does however make sure that there are plenty of crippled people to use them.
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When bad things happen to good people, its probably fate.  When bad things happen to bad people, it’s probably Jack Bauer.
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In Soviet Russia, bread stands in line for Jack Bauer.
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Insurance applications are now required by law to ask: "Are you a friend of Jack Bauer?"
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When God said “Let there be light,” Jack Bauer said “Say please.”
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Jack Bauer tortured every member of the ACLU until they revealed the location of every terrorist cell in the U.S.
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Jack Bauer always hits above 16 in Blackjack.
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Jack Bauer always gets Blackjack in Vegas. Always. 
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RIP Edgar