Acme-ConspiracyTheory-Random
view release on metacpan or search on metacpan
SEE ALSO
REDACTED
AUTHOR
Toby Inkster <tobyink@cpan.org>.
CONTRIBUTORS
Alex Jones discovered that there are secretly other people who have
contributed to this module but Toby Inkster is working with Microsoft and
the Illuminati to cover it up. I tried to blog about it but all my posts
keep getting taken down from Tumblr. There are hidden clues on GitHub
<https://github.com/tobyink/p5-acme-conspiracytheory-random/graphs/contrib
utors>. You don't want to know how deep this rabbit hole goes!
COPYRIGHT AND LICENCE
This software is copyright (c) 2021 by Toby Inkster.
This is free software; you can redistribute it and/or modify it under the
same terms as the Perl 5 programming language system itself.
@prefix dc: <http://purl.org/dc/terms/> .
@prefix doap: <http://usefulinc.com/ns/doap#> .
@prefix doap-changeset: <http://ontologi.es/doap-changeset#> .
@prefix doap-deps: <http://ontologi.es/doap-deps#> .
@prefix foaf: <http://xmlns.com/foaf/0.1/> .
@prefix rdfs: <http://www.w3.org/2000/01/rdf-schema#> .
@prefix xsd: <http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#> .
<http://dev.perl.org/licenses/>
dc:title "the same terms as the perl 5 programming language system itself".
<http://purl.org/NET/cpan-uri/dist/Acme-ConspiracyTheory-Random/project>
a doap:Project;
dc:contributor <http://purl.org/NET/cpan-uri/person/tobyink>;
lib/Acme/ConspiracyTheory/Random.pm view on Meta::CPAN
}
sub invention {
my $redstring = shift // {};
my $invention = _RANDOM_(
['the internet', 0],
['cryptocurrencies', 1],
['smartphones', 1],
['bitcoin', 0],
['blockchain technology', 0],
['ChatGPT', 0],
);
_MERGE_( $redstring, invention => $invention->[0],
invention_plural => $invention->[1], );
return $invention->[0];
}
sub shady_project {
my $redstring = shift // {};
my $x = _RANDOM_(
'Project Blue Beam',
'The Plan',
'the Global Warming Hoax',
'the New Chronology',
'the Great Replacement',
'the Great Reset',
'the LGBT Agenda',
'the Kalergi Plan',
'Eurabia',
'the moon-landing hoax',
'the LGBT+ agenda',
);
_MERGE_( $redstring, shady_project => $x );
lib/Acme/ConspiracyTheory/Random.pm view on Meta::CPAN
'Albert Einstein',
'Isaac Newton',
'Stephen Hawking',
'Henry Cavendish',
);
_MERGE_( $redstring, physicist => $x );
return $x;
}
sub biologist { # and medics
my $redstring = shift // {};
my $x = _RANDOM_(
'Charles Darwin',
'Edward Jenner',
'Robert Koch',
'Carl Linneaus',
'Alexander Fleming',
'Dr Fauci',
);
_MERGE_( $redstring, biologist => $x );
return $x;
}
sub website {
my $redstring = shift // {};
my $x = _RANDOM_(
'Tumblr',
'Pinterest',
'Youtube',
lib/Acme/ConspiracyTheory/Random.pm view on Meta::CPAN
sub clone {
my $redstring = shift // {};
my $x = _RANDOM_(
'an actor',
'an alien',
'an avatar',
'a CGI replica',
'a clone',
'a cyborg',
'a hologram',
'an impersonator',
'a look-alike',
'a robot',
'a shapeshifter',
);
_MERGE_( $redstring, clone => $x );
return $x;
}
lib/Acme/ConspiracyTheory/Random.pm view on Meta::CPAN
if ( my $dl = $redstring->{dark_lord} ) {
push @x, (
"$dl is known to be growing in power",
"$dl has never seemed more powerful",
"$dl needs to be getting power from somewhere",
"$dl told me",
"I have seen signs from $dl",
);
}
if ( my $v = $redstring->{victim} // $redstring->{physicist} // $redstring->{biologist} ) {
push @x, (
"$v died too young",
"$v sent a letter containing the truth before dying",
sub {
my $clone = clone( $redstring );
"when they did an autopsy on $v it turned out it was $clone",
},
"they never did an autopsy on $v",
"$v wrote a will",
sub {
my $g = shady_group( $redstring );
"$v was secretly one of $g";
},
sub {
my $animal = real_animal( $redstring );
"when they did an autopsy on $v it turned out they were secretly a $animal in a human suit";
},
);
}
if ( my $v = $redstring->{physicist} // $redstring->{biologist} ) {
push @x, (
"$v isn't mentioned in Aristotle's writing",
"$v hasn't given a lecture in months",
"$v isn't taken seriously by TRUE SCIENTISTS",
);
}
if ( my $c = $redstring->{celebrity} ) {
if ( $c->{female} ) {
push @x, (
lib/Acme/ConspiracyTheory/Random.pm view on Meta::CPAN
push @x, (
"you can't trust men",
"he said so on his Twitter",
);
}
}
if ( my $f = $redstring->{fiction} ) {
push @x, (
$f->{title} . " has secret messages encoded in it with numerology",
$f->{title} . " is satanic",
sub {
my $g = shady_group( $redstring );
my $has = splural( $redstring->{shady_group} ) ? 'have' : 'has';
$f->{author} . " $has ties to $g";
},
sub {
my $b = bad_place( $redstring );
$f->{author} . " got taken to $b for questioning";
},
lib/Acme/ConspiracyTheory/Random.pm view on Meta::CPAN
"Alex Jones says $bad $are linked to $r",
);
}
if ( my $topic = $redstring->{topic} ) {
my $topicname = $topic->{name};
my $have = $topic->{plural} ? 'have' : 'has';
push @x, (
"there's hidden clues in the Wikipedia page about $topicname",
"THEY let it slip during an edit war in a Wikipedia page about $topicname",
"Bible numerology has clues about $topicname",
"the Voynich manuscript has clues about $topicname",
"$topicname $have always been suspicious",
"$topicname $have connections to THEM",
"nobody really understands $topicname",
"all my posts about $topicname keep getting taken down by Tumblr",
);
}
if ( my $p = $redstring->{random_place} // $redstring->{bad_place} ) {
my $bad = $redstring->{antagonist}{name}
lib/Acme/ConspiracyTheory/Random.pm view on Meta::CPAN
);
}
sub hidden_truth {
my $redstring = shift // {};
my $truth = _RANDOM_(
sub { # wrap classics in a sub so they don't come up too often
_RANDOM_(
sub {
$redstring->{topic} = { name => 'geology', plural => 0 };
'the Earth is flat';
},
sub {
$redstring->{topic} = { name => 'Inner Space (1987)', plural => 0 };
'space is fake';
},
sub {
$redstring->{topic} = { name => 'theology', plural => 0 };
'God is real';
},
sub {
$redstring->{topic} = { name => 'Buddhism', plural => 0 };
'reincarnation is true';
},
sub {
$redstring->{topic} = { name => 'germs', plural => 1 };
"germs aren't real";
},
lib/Acme/ConspiracyTheory/Random.pm view on Meta::CPAN
);
$redstring->{topic} = { name => 'false flag operations', plural => 1 };
"$badevent was orchestrated by the US government";
},
sub {
$redstring->{topic} = { name => 'glaciers', plural => 1 };
$redstring->{random_place} //= 'Greenland';
"global warming is a hoax";
},
sub {
$redstring->{topic} = { name => 'geology', plural => 0 };
'the US government knows exactly when Yellowstone will erupt';
},
sub {
$redstring->{topic} = { name => 'cloud seeding', plural => 0 };
"the government controls the weather";
},
sub {
$redstring->{topic} = { name => 'Snapple', plural => 0 };
"Snapple is owned by the KKK";
},
sub {
my $disease = disease( $redstring );
$redstring->{topic} = { name => 'biological warfare', plural => 0 };
"$disease was developed as a bioweapon";
},
sub {
$redstring->{topic} = { name => 'gas chambers', plural => 1 };
$redstring->{random_place} //= 'Germany';
"the holocaust never happened";
},
sub {
$redstring->{topic} = { name => 'fascism', plural => 0 };
$redstring->{random_place} //= 'Australia';
lib/Acme/ConspiracyTheory/Random.pm view on Meta::CPAN
"the $animal originally comes from another planet";
},
sub {
my $animal = real_animal( $redstring );
my $group = shady_group( $redstring );
my $stupid = _RANDOM_(
'people in costumes',
'animatronics',
'CGI',
'highly coordinated swarms of bees',
'holograms',
'a mirage',
);
"the $animal is a fake animal and is just $stupid";
},
sub {
my $animal = fake_animal( $redstring );
"the $animal is a real animal";
},
sub {
my $time = future_time( $redstring );
lib/Acme/ConspiracyTheory/Random.pm view on Meta::CPAN
sub {
$redstring->{topic} = { name => 'water', plural => 0 };
'water is its own element';
},
sub {
$redstring->{topic} = { name => 'geocentrism', plural => 0 };
'the sun goes round the Earth';
},
sub {
$redstring->{topic} = { name => 'the moon', plural => 0 };
'the moon is a hologram';
},
sub {
$redstring->{topic} = { name => 'camembert', plural => 0 };
'the moon is made of cheese';
},
sub {
$redstring->{topic} = { name => 'the man in the moon', plural => 0 };
'the man in the moon is a real man';
},
sub {
lib/Acme/ConspiracyTheory/Random.pm view on Meta::CPAN
sub {
$redstring->{topic} = { name => 'the firmament', plural => 0 };
"there is a dome over the flat Earth";
},
sub {
$redstring->{topic} = { name => 'Satan', plural => 0 };
'the axis of evil in the cosmic microwave background was put there by Satan';
},
sub {
$redstring->{topic} = { name => 'the zodiac', plural => 0 };
'astrology has been scientifically verified';
},
sub {
$redstring->{topic} = { name => 'the year of the dragon', plural => 0 };
'the Chinese zodiac can predict the future';
},
);
my $solution = _UCFIRST_ _RANDOM_(
"They paid $group to kill him.",
"$group helped cover up the truth.",
lib/Acme/ConspiracyTheory/Random.pm view on Meta::CPAN
"the Big Bang 'theory'",
"Einstein's theory of relativity",
);
_UCFIRST_ "$physicist discovered that $fact but the scientific establishment is suppressing it because it would destroy $destruction. $solution";
},
sub {
my $group = shady_group( $redstring );
$redstring->{protagonists} = $redstring->{shady_group};
my $biologist = biologist( $redstring );
my $fact = _RANDOM_(
sub {
$redstring->{topic} = { name => 'pandas', plural => 1 };
'pandas are really just fat raccoons';
},
sub {
$redstring->{topic} = { name => 'spaghetti', plural => 1 };
"spaghetti is a type of worm";
},
lib/Acme/ConspiracyTheory/Random.pm view on Meta::CPAN
},
sub {
$redstring->{topic} = { name => 'vaccines', plural => 1 };
"essential oils cure autism";
},
sub {
$redstring->{topic} = { name => 'anger management', plural => 0 };
"wasps are just angry bees";
},
sub {
$redstring->{topic} = { name => 'oncology', plural => 0 };
"windmills cause cancer";
},
sub {
my $chem = chemicals( $redstring );
$redstring->{topic} = { name => 'honey', plural => 0 };
"$chem is killing all the bees";
},
sub {
my $animal = real_animal( $redstring );
$redstring->{topic} = { name => 'space flight', plural => 0 };
lib/Acme/ConspiracyTheory/Random.pm view on Meta::CPAN
);
my $destruction = _RANDOM_(
"the 'theory' of evolution",
'modern medicine',
"the germ theory of disease",
"our understanding of DNA",
'creation science',
);
_UCFIRST_ "$biologist discovered that $fact but the scientific establishment is suppressing it because it would destroy $destruction. $solution";
},
sub {
my $group = shady_group( $redstring );
$redstring->{protagonists} = $redstring->{shady_group};
my $have = $redstring->{protagonists}->{plural} ? 'have' : 'has';
my $place = random_place( $redstring );
my $how = _RANDOM_(
"by diverting flights to $place to a Hollywood studio",
'using mirrors',
'by paying the UN',
'by talking with funny accents',
'by hacking satellites',
);
_UCFIRST_ "$place is just a hologram created by $group who $have been hiding it for years $how.";
},
sub {
my $place = random_place( $redstring );
my $truth1 = hidden_truth( $redstring );
_UCFIRST_ _RANDOM_(
"It is common knowledge in $place that $truth1.",
"They teach $truth1 at schools in $place.",
"Everybody in $place knows that $truth1.",
"People in $place found out that $truth1.",
lib/Acme/ConspiracyTheory/Random.pm view on Meta::CPAN
"$group2 were originally opposed to this but they're now in on it.",
"$group2 are trying to get evidence to prove it.",
);
}
_MERGE_( $redstring, base_theory => $theory );
my $evidence = evidence( $redstring );
$theory .= " $evidence" if $evidence;
my $numerology = numerology( $redstring );
$theory .= " $numerology" if $numerology;
_MERGE_( $redstring, theory => $theory );
return $theory;
}
my %special_numbers = (
19 => [ qr/COVID/, '19 is the coronavirus number' ],
24 => [ qr/TINTIN/, 'There are 24 Tintin comics' ],
33 => [ qr/MASON/, '33 is associated with the masons' ],
lib/Acme/ConspiracyTheory/Random.pm view on Meta::CPAN
63 => [ qr/JFK|OSWALD/, 'JFK was shot in 1963' ],
79 => [ qr/GOLD/, 'Gold has the atomic number 79' ],
81 => [ qr/HIV/, 'AIDS was discovered in 1981' ],
82 => [ qr/COKE/, 'Diet Coke first came out in 1982' ],
86 => [ qr/RADON/, 'The atomic number for radon is 86' ],
92 => [ qr/URANIUM/, 'The atomic number for uranium is 92' ],
322 => [ qr/SKULL/, 'Skull and Bones is Order 322' ],
666 => [ qr/DEVIL|DEMON|SATAN/, '666 is the number of the beast' ],
);
sub numerology {
my $redstring = shift // {};
my @strings = List::Util::uniq(
grep { length }
map { my $letters = uc( $_ ); $letters =~ s/[^A-Z0-9]//g; $letters }
map {
/^(the )(.+)$/i ? $2 : $_
}
map {
ref( $_ ) ? grep( defined, $_->{name}, $_->{shortname}, $_->{title}, $_->{author} ) : $_
lib/Acme/ConspiracyTheory/Random.pm view on Meta::CPAN
REDACTED
=head1 AUTHOR
Toby Inkster E<lt>tobyink@cpan.orgE<gt>.
=head1 CONTRIBUTORS
Alex Jones discovered that there are secretly other people who have contributed
to this module but Toby Inkster is working with Microsoft and the Illuminati to
cover it up. I tried to blog about it but all my posts keep getting taken down
from Tumblr. There are hidden clues on L<GitHub|https://github.com/tobyink/p5-acme-conspiracytheory-random/graphs/contributors>.
You don't want to know how deep this rabbit hole goes!
=head1 COPYRIGHT AND LICENCE
This software is copyright (c) 2021 by Toby Inkster.
This is free software; you can redistribute it and/or modify it under
the same terms as the Perl 5 programming language system itself.
( run in 1.353 second using v1.01-cache-2.11-cpan-49f99fa48dc )