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#11900 You cannot just paste code with no understanding of what is going on and expect it to work.
#11901 You can't just make shit up and expect the computer to know what you mean, Retardo!
#11902 You said it didn't work, but you didn't say what it would have done if it *had* worked.
#11903 What are you really trying to accomplish here?
#11904 Who the fuck cares which one is faster?
#11905 Now is the time in our program where you look at the manual.
#11906 Look at the error message!  Look at the error message!
#11907 Looking for a compiler bug is the strategy of LAST resort.  LAST resort.
#11908 Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
#11909 Bad programmer!  No cookie!
#11910 I see you omitted $! from the error message.   It won't tell you what went wrong if you don't ask it to.
#11911 You wrote the same thing twice here.  The cardinal rule of programming is that you never ever write the same thing twice.
#11912 Evidently it's important to you to get the wrong answer as quickly as possible.
#11913 Gee, I don't know.  I wonder what the manual says about that?
#11914 Well, no duh.  That's because you ignored the error message, dimwit.
#11915 Only Sherlock Holmes can debug the program by pure deduction from the output.  You are not Sherlock Holmes.  Run the fucking debugger already.
#11916 Always ignore the second error message unless the meaning is obvious.
#11917 Read.  Learn.  Evolve.
#11918 Well, then get one that *does* do auto-indent.  You can't do good work with bad tools.
#11919 No.  You must believe the ERROR MESSAGE.  You MUST believe the error message.
#11920 The error message is the Truth.  The error message is God.  
#11921 It could be anything.  Too bad you didn't bother to diagnose the error, huh?
#11922 You don't suppress error messages, you dumbass, you PAY ATTENTION and try to understand them.
#11923 Never catch a signal except as a last resort.
#11924 Well, if you don't know what it does, why did you put it in your program?
#11925 Gosh, that wasn't very bright, was it?
#11926 That's like taking a crap on someone's doorstep and then ringing the doorbell to ask for toilet paper.
#11927 A good approach to that problem would be to hire a computer programmer.
#11928 First get a book on programming.  Then read it.  Then write the program.
#11929 First ask yourself `How would I do this without a computer?'  Then have the computer do it the same way.
#11930 Would you like to see my rate card?
#11931 I think you are asking the wrong question here.
#11932 Holy cow.
#11933 Because it's a syntax error.
#11934 Because this is Perl, not C.
#11935 Because this is Perl, not Lisp.
#11936 Because that's the way it is.
#11937 Because.
#11938 If you have `some weird error', the problem is probably with your frobnitzer.
#11939 Because the computer cannot read your mind.  Guess what?  I cannot read your mind *either*.
#11940 You said `It doesn't work'.  The next violation will be punished by death.
#11941 Of course it doesn't work!  That's because you don't know what you are doing!
#11942 Sure, but you have to have some understanding also.
#11943 Ah yes, and you are the first person to have noticed this bug since 1987.  Sure.
#11944 Yes, that's what it's supposed to do when you say that.
#11945 Well, what did you expect?
#11946 Perhaps you have forgotten that this is an engineering discipline, not some sort of black magic.
#11947 You know, this sort of thing is amenable to experimental observation.
#11948 Perhaps your veeblefitzer is clogged.