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lib/Bot/BasicBot/Pluggable/Module/Excuse.pm  view on Meta::CPAN

Internet outage
Pentium FDIV bug
Vendor no longer supports the product
Small animal kamikaze attack on power supplies
The vendor put the bug there.
SIMM crosstalk.
IRQ dropout
Collapsed Backbone
Power company testing new voltage spike (creation) equipment
operators on strike due to broken coffee machine
backup tape overwritten with copy of system manager's favourite CD
UPS interrupted the server's power
The electrician didn't know what the yellow cable was so he yanked the ethernet out.
The keyboard isn't plugged in
The air conditioning water supply pipe ruptured over the machine room
The electricity substation in the car park blew up.
The rolling stones concert down the road caused a brown out
The salesman drove over the CPU board.
The monitor is plugged into the serial port
Root nameservers are out of sync
electro-magnetic pulses from French above ground nuke testing.

lib/Bot/BasicBot/Pluggable/Module/Excuse.pm  view on Meta::CPAN

Your mail is being routed through Germany ... and they're censoring us.
Only people with names beginning with 'A' are getting mail this week (a la Microsoft)
We didn't pay the Internet bill and it's been cut off.
Lightning strikes.
Of course it doesn't work. We've performed a software upgrade.
Change your language to Finnish.
Fluorescent lights are generating negative ions. If turning them off doesn't work, take them out and put tin foil on the ends.
High nuclear activity in your area.
What office are you in? Oh, that one.  Did you know that your building was built over the universities first nuclear research site? And wow, aren't you the lucky one, your office is right over where the core is buried!
The MGs ran out of gas.
The UPS doesn't have a battery backup.
Recursivity.  Call back if it happens again.
Someone thought The Big Red Button was a light switch.
The mainframe needs to rest.  It's getting old, you know.
I'm not sure.  Try calling the Internet's head office -- it's in the book.
The lines are all busy (busied out, that is -- why let them in to begin with?).
Jan  9 16:41:27 huber su: 'su root' succeeded for .... on /dev/pts/1
It's those computer people in X {city of world}.  They keep stuffing things up.
A star wars satellite accidently blew up the WAN.
Fatal error right in front of screen
That function is not currently supported, but Bill Gates assures us it will be featured in the next upgrade.

lib/Bot/BasicBot/Pluggable/Module/Excuse.pm  view on Meta::CPAN

Virus due to computers having unsafe sex.
Incorrectly configured static routes on the corerouters.
Forced to support NT servers; sysadmins quit.
Suspicious pointer corrupted virtual machine
It's the InterNIC's fault.
Root name servers corrupted.
Budget cuts forced us to sell all the power cords for the servers.
Someone hooked the twisted pair wires into the answering machine.
Operators killed by year 2000 bug bite.
We've picked COBOL as the language of choice.
Operators killed when huge stack of backup tapes fell over.
Robotic tape changer mistook operator's tie for a backup tape.
Someone was smoking in the computer room and set off the halon systems.
Your processor has taken a ride to Heaven's Gate on the UFO behind Hale-Bopp's comet.
it's an ID-10-T error
Dyslexics retyping hosts file on servers
The Internet is being scanned for viruses.
Your computer's union contract is set to expire at midnight.
Bad user karma.
/dev/clue was linked to /dev/null
Increased sunspot activity.
We already sent around a notice about that.